Tonight there was heat lightning, and that always makes me think of this one time. It was a long time ago but it’s always what goes through my mind.
So this one time, and I haven’t gotten that far in reading old handwritten notebooks yet, but it was 1978. We’d been living in Lircay, Peru, where my parents were doing anthropological work for a mining company, and well, that’s a long story. I was in second grade — I’d passed the test to be there, oral and written, and the phrase I had to write on the blackboard was “Mi mama come sopa.” I had an awesome little patent leather maletin or briefcase, and I felt so grown up. But the job fell apart, the life fell apart, and the country was pretty unsettled too. And so it was that one evening, probably about this time of year, we were in a white Toyota truck getting the hell outta Dodge, as they say.
In Huancayo we found a hotel, and we holed up. Outside in the streets there was gunfire and lots of yelling. There were explosions and stuff. I remember my mother taking her evening pills and insisting I had to eat my vitamin C pill. My dad wrote in his notebook and my sister cried. Nobody slept well.
In the morning we got up and got on the road. We drove all day and after dark. It was slow going, and it was way dark, and there was this one spot where we had to ford a river. We drove through. The water was up past the doors and it seeped in a bit in the footwells but we got through, going fast, going fast, going fast, don’t let the river take us, and we came out the other side.
I was afraid it was going to rain. There was thunder and lightning and some of it was lightning that covered the whole sky. First, it lit up everything, and then there were little tendrils of lightning everywhere. Rayos, pues, in Spanish. Rayos. Heat lightning, my father said. I was alternately kneeling and standing in the middle of the truck’s bench seat, and my sister was on my mother’s lap, because she was barely three and she was always little. She wouldn’t speak English then, just Quechua and sometimes Spanish.
The next day we were in Lima and everything for us was okay. But I was more scared the night there was heat lightning and we forded the river in the white Toyota truck than I was the night we holed up in the hotel in Huancayo. And heat lightning always makes me think of how I thought maybe we’d all be swept away down whatever river that was and just be gone. But that’s not how it went down.
So tonight there was heat lightning, and in half a second watching fingers and tendrils cross the sky and feeling the electric charge that makes your heart hold still a second before it hits, I remembered all that. Just like I always do.
Happy Mother’s Day, Chris. I miss you. You’re such a badass. If I had that second grade written test to do over it would say way more than that you ate soup.
Yesterday morning five months ago, my mother got off a plane in Cusco, Peru. I can’t begin to guess how many times in her life my mother had done just that, or how many times — just like this one — she was met at the airport by Nilda and her husband Paulino. I was imagining it, actually; I would have been there too, except that my plans had to change and I couldn’t attend the 2013 Tinkuy de Tejedores put on by Nilda and her Center for Traditional Textiles of Cusco.
When all is said and done, I suppose that really, I spent more time with my mother in the Cusco area of Peru than any other single region. She first took me there when I was a small child, 37 years ago, when it was a whole different world than it was the last time I saw her there, with my own son in tow, for the first Tinkuy in 2010. I don’t know that I’ve ever thought of my mother and not thought of that part of the world; even before our family went there together in the 1970s, my parents spoke of Peru constantly (it was where they had met) and I’d seen pictures and desperately wanted to go. My mother was a teenager — barely older than my high school sophomore son — the first time she set foot on that ground.
Christine Robinson, high school senior, 1964
The night before her arrival, she’d texted me from the Miami airport, with sparse words as you’d expect from a text: letting me know that my sister’s daughter (whose guardianship she had assumed in 2008) was an inpatient at the same hospital where my father spent his last days. “She’s safe and making progress,” my mother said, “I will get email in Peru if you want to send any messsages. Hope all is well or even better.”
I didn’t answer quickly. I didn’t really know what to say. She hadn’t even really explained why my niece was hospitalized, but I’d gathered it was psychiatric. I’d probed for information, but she really hadn’t wanted to tell me anything. The next day — six months ago today — I finally texted her back. “All is fine here. I can only imagine having to go to that hospital more. Ugh. You should just move. Like to Cuper finally. Or anywhere. Fuck it, La Paz sounds better.” That’s right, La Paz — long known to be my least favourite place in the world, a place where my mother and I had never shared a less enjoyable time — except for those final weeks of my father’s terminal illness.
I went on. I figured she’d see the iPhone message sooner or later, when she had net. “I am so unbelievably sad not to be there with you,” I said. “Not to be in Peru but more than that, not to be there with my mom. Please give everyone my love and let me know if there is anything I can do. And when you get back, don’t be afraid to call me and vent about Q or anything all. I love you, and I miss you.” She didn’t answer, but then, the message didn’t show as delivered yet either.
Ed Franquemont and Christine Robinson, 1966
The next day about noon, I was at my studio getting started soaking some silk fiber to start showing my intern-turned-staffer how to dye it with low water immersion. Over the sound of running water and suchlike, I didn’t hear my cell phone the first time it rang, or the second. But moments later I felt it shake and when I took it out, there were two missed calls from an unknown number, two voice mails, and a VIP email alert for email from Nilda, in all caps, saying it was urgent and I had to call her about Chris.
Nilda Callañaupa Alvarez, 2013
I dropped everything — didn’t listen to the voice mails or anything, just called. I couldn’t get through on my cell phone, and the studio phone would connect but then you couldn’t understand a thing the other side was saying. I finally replied to the email, what seemed like forever later but it was only minutes, telling Nilda I was having no luck and asking if she could try me back on my cell again.
She did. She was upset. I wasn’t surprised; there was clearly a problem and I knew all of this couldn’t be good news. But then she said it: “No hay Chris,” she said, Chris is gone. I was stunned, and at first, it didn’t sink in, and I asked stupid things. Gone where? She isn’t there? Did her plane not arrive? Did she miss her plane? And Nilda said it again, several different ways, ultimately telling me that she’d just gone into Chris’ hotel room and found her there, fallecida.
“Are you sure?” I asked her. Such a stupid thing to ask, but… there you have it. Shock makes you say stupid things. “There’s no mistake?” But no; there was no mistake. And Nilda was there with the police and the fiscal and my poor dead mother, who was like another mother to Nilda, Nilda with a cell phone in her hand and me with a cell phone in mine, the both of us stunned, her right there and me some four thousand miles away as the crow flies, looking around a daily life that suddenly made no sense at all.
I called my husband. I went home. I talked to Nilda again. We all tried to make lists, and determine actions to take. Nilda’s Tinkuy was to start in hours. My son would be home from school in hours. Phone numbers I had for family turned out to be out of date. There were a million things, even apart from the shock of it all. But at least these were action items.
My son arrived home from school, and we sat down with him in the living room. My husband told him the long sad story, beginning with the stuff we’d barely touched on with him: how my sister was not just missing but genuinely a missing person with a police investigation; how his cousin had serious problems the scope of which we couldn’t even speak to accurately yet; and how yesterday, his grandmother had arrived in Cusco — and we knew he’d wanted so very much to go, too, just like I had, and that he had such fond memories of going there for Nilda’s 2010 Tinkuy — and that she’d had a good morning in Cusco, a lovely lunch at the Trattoria with the good tortellini, and then… that morning… that Nilda had found her dead at the hotel.
My son Edward, 2010, at Machu Picchu
My son sat there, stunned. He looked at me and, you know, I just looked back. “That’s… not where I thought this story might be going at all,” he eventually said. “Are we sure?” I knew exactly how he felt, and then some. It was all so implausible — the kind of thing that happens in some strange movie. But then it’s not like my family’s life was ever staid or predictable. Indeed, there were times we all talked about how it would have been easier to let people believe a fiction than to try to convince them of the truth, like about how English is actually my sister’s third language, and Japanese her fourth; or how it was the old bluesmen from Chicago who ultimately convinced me life would be easier if I just answered “Where are you from?” with “Chicago,” and didn’t try to explain. Nobody believes you anyway, when you tell them that your father was captain of the Harvard wrestling team 3 years in a row and your mother is the chick from the first Indiana Jones movie, and compared to them, a would-be musician turned computer professional turned handspinning teacher is pretty ordinary.
But, we were sure. Nilda was sure, and we talked with her again throughout the afternoon, while the coroner and the police and the officials removed my mother’s body and her personal effects, and Nilda passed her phone to the fiscal after briefly pointing out I might try to sound like I didn’t have a normal Cusco accent so I was plausibly the daughter in the United States. I asked the fiscal to allow Nilda to have my mother’s cell phone, to try to access her contacts. He agreed, but there was a passcode, and we failed to guess it. “We’re sealing up her things and taking them into custody,” the fiscal said. “It’s routine. We can give them to you as her next of kin, or to your embassy.” There with the whole scene, apparently, were other members of the board of directors of Andean Textile Arts, and I spoke with them too; it was moments from when everyone needed to be at the kick-off parade for Nilda’s Tinkuy. “The press is here too,” Nilda told me. “This will probably be on the news.” Which only meant I had to make sure to get the word out, here, sensitively, before… well, before who knew what stories started flying around. Oh God, I thought, how horrible would it be if I can’t reach her brother before the Internet and social media and stuff start to hear.
Around four that afternoon, the phone rang. “Hello,” said the man on the other end after asking for me, “I’m calling from the US Embassy in Lima, Peru, regarding your mother, Christine Robinson Franquemont.” I paced alongside the kitchen counter while we spoke of funeral homes, repatriation of remains, timelines, and next steps. I numbly gave him my email address for him to send forms and contact information for funeral homes, officials.
My husband poured me a shot of Jim Beam, and I tossed it back like a pro. My father would have been proud. I stared at my handwriting filling page after page with notes about what needed to happen. We made lists of who to call, in what order, what to say, how to ask family to help spread the word carefully. When, I wondered, should I call the detective in charge of investigating my sister’s disappearance? Would that hospital even let me talk to my niece? What was her condition and how should we best handle telling her? Who should we first contact in New Haven, where Chris lived — had lived? Did we have keys for everything? Were my frequent flyer miles enough? What did we have in our emergency savings? What does it cost to do something like this? Oh my God, how is Nilda holding up?
Molly and Abby, 1980, in Florida after Earthwatch expedition
“This is the most surreal day I’ve had in a very long time,” I said to my husband. I could only call the look on his face incredulous as he poured me another shot of bourbon and said, “Since when? What day in your life has actually been more surreal than this one?”
I had to admit he had me there. Not even the days when we’d fled Peru (1978) or Ecuador (1983) during national strikes; not the time we took the train to La Paz, Bolivia (1977) and it crashed and we thought, should have taken the bus, but no, that day the bus had blown up; not the day when we were trapped on a train between two landslides (1986); not the day when I told my mother I was leaving for Chicago on 24 hours’ notice with a plane ticket bought for me by an old bluesman I’d met once (1990); really no day was ever more surreal or implausible. But at least all those days had trained me up to be someone who just proceeds through the list of action items. At least a lifetime of explaining the complex and unorthodox events of my family’s lives made me able to tell the tragic news calmly, again and again, to family and lifelong friends who — just like me — never saw this coming.
Abby Franquemont, Christine Franquemont, demonstrating in 1980
It took time to get ducks in a row and things figured out to get me to Cusco. I was floored by the generosity of many, helping me to pull that off. It took time and effort to figure out what I needed in documentation to be able to start handling things on my mother’s behalf, on my niece’s behalf. I needed to assemble paperwork sufficient to make everything solvable in Cusco, and in Lima, and at the embassy, to get the certificates I’d need in Peru to get the certificates I’d need in the US, and that’s not even getting into the question of my mother’s remains at the morgue in Cusco.
“A number of folks from Chinchero went to the morgue,” Nilda told me. “Everyone wanted her body, to dress her and sit with her. But they said no; they can’t, because she is a US citizen. But in Chinchero everyone knows she is one of ours. It is hard.” I pictured that scene. I thought about the times when things were crazy, when my parents, my sister and I all half-joked about ending up a puzzle for future archaeologists, gringos buried in the cemetery in Chinchero. Those were jokes in the beginning, maybe, but we all knew it could really happen. I knew when I was five years old and saw my friends die and get buried that I could be there with them. I thought of the countless loved ones in whose funeral processions we had all walked. I thought of walking, sobbing, through early rainy season rains in 1985 when we buried our comadre Benita, and how when the sound of her tomb being sealed up took all the strength from my legs and my best friend Angelica caught me before I hit the ground and we cried and cried. I thought of Nilda’s letter in 1988 telling us Angelica had died, again just before rainy season, and the many times I had imagined her body there beneath the eucalyptus trees and the apus (spirits of the mountains) that watched over us all.
Antaquillka, seen over Chinchero
I thought of all our comadres, compadres, and my god-siblings — of a vast community that had claimed our family as its own, where we had all lived and loved and struggled and laughed and sometimes perished, unflinching and unfaltering in our shared humanity, even when it would bring us to our knees. I thought about the mothers of my girlhood friends (including the ones who didn’t make it to adulthood), sitting outside the Cusco morgue, asking for the body of a beloved kinswoman with whom they’d shared motherhood in a way that transcended culture or background, and in conversations with close family, we all concluded that Chris could find no better resting place than that same graveyard in Chinchero where more of our family’s loved ones rest than anywhere else in the world.
Chris, Simeona, Nelly, Wilfredo and kids
So I said this to the funeral home guys, on the phone: that we would plan to retrieve her body from the morgue, and bury her in Chinchero, with no flight to Lima or coffin on an international plane trip and contacting funeral homes in the US also. They said okay, and then later called back to say that when they checked, they were told there was no room in the cemetery in Chinchero. I told them that there was room for her there. Nilda concurred, and her parents in turn proferred a family mausoleum spot. The guys from the funeral home continued lining up which papers had to be done in what order on what day of the week to retrieve the body from the morgue. I proceeded with digging up documentation that would satisfy anybody in Peru that I was, in fact, my mother’s next of kin, ultimately settling on the passport I had been issued in 1982, featuring a stapled-in resident alien visa with an Ecuadorian consular seal stating — in Spanish of course — that the purpose of my visit was to live with my parents, and their full names.
“Don’t panic about the timing,” the embassy told me, “but it’s usually at least 3 weeks before they’ll release a foreigner’s body under these circumstances.” But with Nilda’s steady work, and various other people’s assistance, and perhaps the constant visits from folks from Chinchero asking to at least visit Chris and dress her, it was only 6 days until the morgue signed off as willing to release remains to next of kin.
In just-before-midnight dark of November 20, not quite 8 days since Nilda’s call from my mother’s hotel room, I cleared immigration in Lima, rented a Peruvian cell phone and then, on the first flight up after the dawn of Thursday the 21st, landed at the Cusco airport that has always meant I’m almost home. It might seem strange that the thin high altitude air, the dust of the city and the smell of Andean life all around, would always be so comforting, but it was even more so this time. Somewhere in this city I’d be united with my mother’s mortal remains, and here — where she had spent more of her adult life than anywhere else — surrounded by loved ones, we would take her home for the last time. I walked that airport and claimed my bags where I had so many times before, imagining my mother on that final day of her life, doing the same.
Edward at the Cusco airport, 2010
Nilda and her husband met me, and we went essentially straight to work. That’s not the easiest thing to do when you’ve just hit over 11,000 feet above sea level, but Nilda’s an old pro at dealing with folks arriving at altitude and I, of course, know my routines and what works for me, which is good because it’s counter to the usual advice. We dropped off my luggage at Nilda’s sister’s house, and went straight to a restaurant to feed me lots of food. While I ate my second entire lunch, Nilda laughed: “This always cracks me up,” she said. “You’re supposed to sit still, drink mate de coca, and have a light broth.”
Paulino, Lino and Nilda, 1992 o 1993
“You know that doesn’t work for me,” I said. “When we’d get here, Chris and Molly would do that, and it worked for them, but me and Ed, we’d go right out and eat big, rich meals, and then go for a walk in the Plaza de Armas, and then by evening we’d basically be fine.”
Sopa de moraya — a kind of freeze-dried potato
While I ate, the representatives from the funeral home joined us, and we traded papers and documents and made plans. They’d go over to the morgue and determine the schedule of things there; Nilda and Paulino and I would go to the Policia de Turismo office and work on retrieving her personal effects. But at the Policia de Turismo, we learned that her things were in the custody of the other team, who didn’t work Thursdays; they were there, but come back Friday, they said. So we went to the fiscal (like a district attorney) to see if he could help us there, and he wrote us a note urging the tourism police to help us out. Returning, though, it was still no go; first thing Friday morning, and that was that.
Nilda’s cell phone rang; the funeral agents had been successful getting the next needed form from RENIEC (Peru’s civil status registry), which would need to be signed and sealed appropriately by the medical examiner and the coroner, after which, it could be returned to request issuance of the Peruvian death certificate (signed, sealed and apostilled), with which a burial permit could be issued, after which, the morgue would release her body, after which she could be buried and a certificate of burial received; in turn, all of these things could be presented back to RENIEC for the truly final, internationally valid RENIEC certificate which, when combined with various passports and such like in the presence of a United States Consular Agent, would transform into 24 copies of a Consular Report of Death Abroad, retrievable by me at the US Embassy in Lima.
Even better, the coroner and medical examiner were to meet the funeral agents mid-afternoon, and thus the forms could be back and the papers issued Friday morning, and so we were clear now to do things like select a casket and firm up the mortuary plans. And so, despite no luck retrieving her personal effects, Nilda, Paulino and I found ourselves at a mortuary desk, negotiating the selection and pricing for casket, capilla ardiente, and transport, whether in the very fancy Volvo hearse exactly like my station wagon and so many cars my mother had owned, or the Mercedes van.
My mother loved that car — a 1972 Mercedes 250
We picked the Mercedes, remembering how very much my mother had loved the used Mercedes she drove in the 1980s, and went back to her sister’s home to review the clothes I’d brought for my mother just in case: what if we encountered delays, if we couldn’t get her luggage, if we couldn’t get permission to go dress her and the funeral agency had to do it, what if, what if, what if? So many what ifs, and we tried to cover all the bases, and went to the market to fill out what gaps might be in the wardrobe we needed to hand over. Plus, of course, a hat for me, to keep me safe from the burning tropical sun. I always get a hat in Cusco.
Tom and Flora’s wedding
Nilda’s sister, Flora, married a longtime expatriate friend named Tom; in 1985 and 1986 when my mother was doing her doctoral fieldwork, our family had an apartment just a few doors up the street from where Flora and Tom now live, and Tom had lived just a few doors further up. This was just around the corner from the post office, ah the post office, once the only real line of communication with the world beyond Cusco, back when Chinchero was so much more remote than it is now, only half an hour from Cusco. It’s another of those things that seems implausible, but I sometimes take for granted — that we really did used to rise before dawn, run down by Angelica’s family’s store and in front of the sanitario, and ride cattle trucks for hours to reach Cusco and do things like go to the post office to learn if the world beyond Cusco was even still there or remembered our family existed.
Envelope from a letter from my parents to my grandparents, 1977, mailed fro that same post office
I took ten minutes to call my husband and son and make sure they knew I was in Cusco and all was well and, indeed, not about to go stay alone in a hotel considering, you know, everything. Nope, I was staying with family, which was conveniently also just a few doors away from the consular agency in Cusco. Progress was being made, I said, but was probably at a standstill for the day. Nilda and Paulino and I went to meet the other members of the Andean Textile Arts board who were in Cusco with the ATA tour group who’d come for the Tinkuy. We shared a snack and coffee, and news of how things were progressing since I’d arrived that morning. I thought of all the board meetings, and past textile events, and how this meant now I’d be the last Franquemont on the board — unthinkable. I left with Flora, and she and I and Tom spent the evening talking about old times and how Nilda was really doing, with all of this having fallen upon her just now. We’d have stayed up late, for sure, except Nilda and I needed to be at the PolTur by 7:30 the next morning. I fell asleep, exhausted, against the unmistakably Cusco city sounds of a block I’d once called home.
In the morning, right on time as the PolTur building opened, Paulino dropped me and Nilda off and went to check up on the tour group. For whatever reason, Nilda and I had expected this part of things to go fairly quickly, as the incredibly helpful fiscal had come to expedite the approval of our request to retrieve my mother’s personal effects. He waited with us until the first officer of the team in charge of the personal effects — the same team which had removed them from the hotel room, you must understand, and thus the ones accountable in the chain of custody — arrived, and things finally began to happen at about 8:15.
The officer carried in three bundles, swathed entirely in black plastic which was in turn covered entirely in packing tape. Very formally, the fiscal turned to Nilda and asked her, as she had been present at the retrieval of these effects from the hotel room, to verify that they were undisturbed and as they had been when she saw them taken into police custody. She concurred, and the fiscal asked if this was satisfactory for me, to which I assented. “Proceed!” he said, leaving the office. The officer picked up the smallest of the bundles, and began to pick at the tape with her fingernails. After a moment, Nilda silently reached into her bag and handed the officer a nail clipper with a small knife, which the officer used to cut away the black plastic and packing tape cocoon around what proved to be my mother’s purse (a handwoven bag from Nilda’s Center for Traditional Textiles of Cusco) and shoes (a pair of black Danskos).
On a decrepit computer, the officer began to type, unsuccessfully, as the purse and shoes sat on her desk and Nilda and I sat in chairs along the wall next to the desk. This resulted in some muttering and rearranging as a series of (RS-232, I noted, trying to remember what year I last had one of those) keyboards were swapped in and out from a locked cabinet across the room, and finally, things were go. “Time of day,” the officer stated as she began to type, “8:30 AM.” She took my name and documents and verified me as the next of kin, asking my residence while in Peru and what my occupation was. “Escritora,” I told her, writer. She verified Nilda as a witness to the retrieval of personal effects into police custody, and as a witness to their delivery into the hands of the verified next of kin. Our document numbers and copies of identification and so forth were all duly recorded, and at last, the entrega de los efectos personales started to actually move.
“One pair of shoes,” she stated, typing this, “Brand: Dansko. Size: 38.” Oh God. You never think about this, when you know you wear the same size shoe as your mother; you never imagine someday you’ll find yourself sitting in some run-down pastel-painted 1960s office building with machine-gun-armed guard out front, watching some students apparently gather for a protest of you don’t know what, while the tourism police documents your dead mother’s shoes. I mean, even when you’re me — even when you lead an implausible life — you just don’t see that one coming.
Nilda and I concurred with this description, and her cell phone rang. She hit ignore. “And this is a purse,” said the officer, typing again. “Handwoven, Peruvian, tourist goods.” We did not argue with that either. The officer reached inside. “This would be her cell phone,” she said. “Would you say it is in good condition?” I looked at it where she held it in her hand, across the desk; I couldn’t tell if the screen was cracked, but something was funny-looking. “A ver,” I said, leaning forward. She pressed the black button on the front, and a banner of a text message popped up. “It does turn on,” she said, handing it to me. “Is it an iPhone 4, or 4s?”
“4,” I said, numbly, the message in the banner reading: I am so unbelievably sad not to be there with you. Not to be in Peru but more than that, not to be there with my mom. Please give everyone my love and let me know if there is anything I can do. And when you get back, don’t be afraid to call me and vent about Q or anything all. I love you, and I miss you.
I was suddenly short of breath and my eyes were stinging. It wasn’t the altitude. I put the phone down on the desk and, in a moment, the screen went black again. I breathed carefully, steadily, not too deep, because gasping at high altitude never helps. The officer reached into the purse again. “Package of facial tissues,” she recorded. “Chocolate, estadounidense, tipo Snickers. Here is a list. Does this mean anything to you?” She handed me the paper. “Yes,” I said. “This is my niece’s handwriting. She… my mother was her guardian. This is a list of things my niece wants from Peru.”
Nilda’s cell phone rang again, and again, she silenced it, and silently, took the list from me. Tourist goods. Peruvian candy. Some earrings or similar.
“This is the wallet, yes?” the officer continued.
“Looks to be,” I said, “although she usually had another one, that looked exactly like this one.” It’s true — by coincidence, my mother and I both had these small CTTC zippered bags that were made from the same exact warp. We’d confused them for each other’s on several occasions, mine holding ipod cables and the like, and hers being her wallet. So this was a different one, smaller, just sized for credit cards. The officer unzipped it, pulled out this cards.
“This one,” she said, “It is a VISA, yes? Is it credit, or debit?”
“Credit,” I said. “Tarjeta de credito VISA, American Airlines AAdvantage Miles,” she repeated, typing it in, and the same for a few more similar cards. “And this? What is this?” I took it from her. “It’s a… it’s a frequent buyer card from an heladeria,” I said. “You buy an ice cream, they punch it, when it’s full you get a free ice cream.” I resolved to clean my wallet of all kinds of things before travelling internationally ever again. I imagined my son having to explain a yarn shop frequent buyer card to this uniformed lady with a badge and a nametag reading Y Cardeña A. and a computer older than he is.
Nilda’s cell phone rang again, and she answered it. “I don’t think so,” she said. “I think we’ll be here for… I think this is going to take all morning, maybe to after lunch.”
It did. I could see why the Thursday crew hadn’t been willing to get us the personal effects; if this was required, then indeed, nobody’d pick that up and just handle it.
It didn’t get any less creepy for me, either; definitely not when the medium-sized bundle proved to be her backpack, and from it emerged my mother’s brand-spanking-new lightweight gray jacket that said “Radcliffe Class of 1968” on it. She’d just been to that reunion, and been so happy about it. And now she was dead, somewhere in the morgue somewhere in this town. Nilda’s cell phone had been ringing like crazy, and she’d made a few calls too, commanding calls, dispatching troops like the general she is — this person to retrieve these clothes, from here, and take them to meet with us at the morgue because we’ll be there about 2, and that person to confirm things proceeding as expected at Nilda’s house in Chinchero for the velorio, and so forth.
It wasn’t any easier when they pulled from her backpack her copy of Faces of Tradition, or when the other book in there was called “Far from the Tree: Parents, Children and the Search for Identity.” And nothing at all prepared me for the moment when we unzipped her suitcase and opened it up and damned if it wasn’t packed exactly like I pack. I mean, of course it was; who taught me to pack, after all? How many times did my mother oversee my packing when our family traveled, which we did, you know, constantly? Of course I pack the same way. I just never thought about it. And now I’d never even be able to tell her I recognized her in me. Talk about parents, children, and the search for identity, although I know I wasn’t the reason for a book like that to be in her backpack.
It was a little after noon when we were finally done. The funeral agents said everything was ready except flowers. Nilda’s armies were running everywhere, doing everything, and Paulino picked us up and drove us to the street of florists. Everything in Cusco has a street where it’s concentrated, or at least, it used to always be like that, and sometimes — in a lot of things — it still is. So if you want flowers, you go where the florists are, and just walk from shop to shop and get it all handled. I mean, you could call a florist, but why would you when you can just go to the street of florists?
At the street of florists, I thought briefly about my parents approving of me taking my high school’s controversial “Death and Dying” class, which covered many things including funeral norms and what to expect — and how very helpful that would all be, if only it had included words like “carroza” and “capilla ardiente” and “embalsamamiento.” But still, it had given me enough to not feel out of control or railroaded at the funeral home — to be able to ask about each line item on the price sheet, to ask why there’s a fee for embalming when we requested no embalming, and somehow to balance in with my Peruvian upbringing to find logic to “Well, in Lima, they do a thing where they pump fluid into the veins, but that doesn’t get done in Cusco, but it’s a national requirement to have the certificate stating that embalming was done, so this is just the legal fee for that.” Of course. And flowers. How many times, I wondered, had I heard the bells of our church in Chinchero toll for a funeral, and walked in its procession, lamenting, holding a flower whose petals I tore off one by one instead of wringing my hands in helpless grief, to throw those petals on the casket of someone I loved while we processed through the streets? Flowers.
“You’ll want to get an arrangement from each family unit you’re responsible to,” Nilda prompted me gently, “for the velorio.” How many times, again, I thought, taking candles and flowers and some small token of food to a family, sharing food and drink and sitting with a loved one, and oh my God, here we are. Flowers, and a short note, and names. For myself and my husband and son I chose a bird of paradise like had grown at our California home and orange lilies similar to our Ohio ditch lilies; from my in-laws I chose roses, lilies, and rare irises from the jungle, that look like the irises that bloom in Ohio in spring; from Chris’ brother I chose simple white Peruvian lilies; and from Molly and Quilla, the largest bouquet of all considering the love of plants they shared with Chris, the centerpiece for Chris’ casket: enormous orchids, roses and lilies. I thought how exotic and extravagant it would be to have flowers like this in the US, and how here, these are just some of the flowers that of course you can have, and I spent a hundred dollars of the money so many friends and students of mine had gathered to help me with this. Nilda called the funeral agents and told them which florist to come get the flowers from. It was really no surprise to see other friends and family also there, also buying flowers. We parted ways and went, at last, to the morgue.
It was on the corner, and there didn’t seem to be anything particularly outstanding or noticeable about it; it was just the building on the corner. Nilda’s sister-in-law dashed up suddenly from across the street, handing us a bag of clothing. Nilda handed her some of the soles we’d just changed from dollars. “10 kilos of potatoes,” she said, “and about 5 of carrots, and probably 5 kilos of lisas, and get a medium sized sheep, maybe and another half sheep above that, but make sure it’s medium, because we’ve got to feed a lot of people but if it’s a big sheep it’ll be older and have to cook too long. And rum! Also rum.” She nodded and off she went.
Inside the morgue, there was an office portion with a cashier in it, where we met the funeral agents, and then we went outside and were let into a small people-sized door next to a car-sized door, into a courtyard. Back across the courtyard there was a large room with steel tables, one bearing a mostly complete skeleton too new to be archaeological in nature. I mean, you learn to easily recognize and look at such things when you’re raised by anthropologists. At least to some extent. As the morgue officer came in to join us I realized, oh God, this is all really happening. I thought about Nilda finding her in the hotel. Suddenly I couldn’t talk. Nilda clenched my hand and I clenched back.
“Buenas tardes,” she said, clearing her throat. “We are… we have come for the lady from the United States who died last week. This is her daughter.”
Chris Franquemont, Cornell University 1986
“Just so,” said the morgue official. “She is here.” He began walking toward a small room, almost a breezeway, that we’d passed coming in. The funeral agents moved with him, and as we turned, Nilda and I saw eight steel-fronted drawers mounted in the wall to which we’d previously had our backs. We stood side by side, clutching each other’s arms and the bag of clothing, and from the bottom row of drawers all the way towards the back of that alcove, a steel-fronted steel slab emerged with my mother’s body on it.
Chris Franquemont, Ollantaytambo 2012
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a dead body; far from it. Heck, it wasn’t even the first time I’d seen the dead body of my beloved parent. But ten days of international wrangling and logistics had all been leading up to this, the moment when we could take her, dress her, lay her to rest… and this was, for me and Nilda both, the first time we’d seen the body of someone we loved autopsied and frozen ten days prior. Even though Nilda had been the one to find her, this was different. We clung to each other, sobbing, as the funeral agents prepared to dress her. The morgue official took from her ears an inexpensive pair of hoops, and from her left hand, her wedding ring. I remembered standing with my mother when she slipped my father’s wedding ring from his dead hand, reminding me he couldn’t have grave goods since he was being cremated. But that was almost ten years ago, and in another world.
I slipped her ring onto my pinkie for safekeeping, her hands being thinner than mine. Her poor, dead hands. Oh my mother, my mother, my mother. This is why we beat our breasts and rend our hair. This is why we wash our dead, we dress them, we lavish them with the last opportunities we have for a touch in this world, before it all slips away from each and every one of us. This is why we put on black clothing if we must walk forth in the world, so the whole world can see we are the walking wounded, the ones who remain when our mothers have gone and we are now orphaned children no matter our age. This is our last chance to take a deep breath and do for you as you used to do for us, when we were helpless and frail and our lives were entirely in your hands, oh, your poor, dead hands. Soon even this will be gone. Your dust will join that very same dust that’s always welcomed me home in the high altitude air here. Your bones will last who knows how long, joining here with the bones of so many we loved and remember and so many we never knew. Oh, my mother, it has all come to this, and here we find ourselves, no more nor less human than we ever were, soon to take you to the home that always loved our family — and especially you — the hardest, the most unflinchingly, no matter what.
The funeral agents did fine with the Western clothes from the waist down: a comfortable knit skirt, warm socks, those battered black Danskos. But Nilda and I had to help with the dress of a real Chinchero woman: embroidered blouse, embroidered vest, jobon. But finally she was ready, and in the casket, and as she was loaded into the Mercedes van we were met by Betty and Jan from the board, who did not know if they would make it to Chinchero for the velorio. And then we were off, Nilda and I riding in a van completely filled with flowers, out to Nilda’s house in Chinchero, where the funeral agency had gone ahead with that mysterious capilla ardiente among other things.
Velorio location, at Nilda’s Chinchero house
It is a blur, mercifully so, and the next thing I really remember is everyone cooking, cooking vast amounts of food, and the big public room set up with candles and all the many many flowers, surrounding Chris’ casket. There was no one but family and the funeral agents in the room as we made the final preparations. These included finding Chris a good warm hat and a pretty scarf, and making sure she had everything she would need for the next part of her voyage: a spindle for one hand, and the alpaca fiber being spun on it for the other; in one jacket pocket, $10 US, and in the other, 10 Soles; in her montera, the traditional Chinchero hat, some coca leaves. Normally you’d also supply her some tobacco, but in her case, we all decided she wouldn’t have approved.
Velorio. A capilla ardiente in this case means all the pedestals and stuff for candles, and the draperies, and the various stands and so forth, so you can do all of this. We had the option of an electric one with light bulbs, or one for candles, and opted for candles.
Beneath her in the casket, two handspun, handwoven, natural-dyed llicllas cushioned her body, and a pillow covered in the same was laid beneath her head. This done, the lid was placed on the casket, with the upper part opened revealing the viewing glass. With these things all handled, it was time for the velorio to start.
The velorio is like what people in the US think of as a wake. The objective is to stay up the night with your loved one, gathered together, eating and drinking and talking and remembering. Everyone pays their respects and says goodbye to the deceased, and shares in the loss with the bereaved.
Casket, with flowers
As the afternoon progressed, more and more people came, from all over. The word spread by every means available: esta noche vamos a velar, tonight we bring candles, and tomorrow, we inter.
Vamos a velar
Weavers from Chinchero had started cooking before we all got there, and continued throughout the night and into the following day. There was food and drink from the start of the gathering, and everyone who came was given food and drink.
As new mourners arrived, they would come in, light a candle or if the candle holders were all full, place candles to be used if one burnt down, and then proceed to the glass-covered casket to say goodbye. After this, they would go on to the bereaved family, speak briefly, and then find a seat and stay as long as they stayed, some of them all night.
As the night went on, conversation shifted until eventually it was essentially all in Quechua. People came from near and far; some walked a day’s walk and didn’t arrive till the following day, to march in the funeral procession. A million stories were told — like about the time in 1977 when all the women were afraid to go to Cusco in traditional dress, and Chris said “Let me borrow some clothes, then, and I’ll go first, and we’ll see what happens to me.” In traditional dress, they pointed out, it was true, with her almost-black hair she looked Chincherina at a glance; and after that, many women said, they weren’t afraid anymore.
1977, on the steps from the plaza to the churchyard
I would translate these stories, as quickly as I could, remembering them all myself, for the non-Quechua speakers. These were heartfelt, amazing tales — things that I remembered, mostly, but as a child remembers them. Old women remembered, while their kids a little younger than me listened, how Chris had sat with them while their babies were sick; how Chris had trusted the town with her own little ones, how she had worked as hard and right alongside, in that hard year in 1977 when the harvest had all but failed entirely because it barely rained in 1976.
A moment in the shade to write field notes in 1977
Remember the time, someone said, it was on a market day, and toddler Molly fell of the cursed wall in the plaza? And even though Chris didn’t know what to do about the angry Inca spirits who were bound to take Molly’s life, Chris trusted and believed what had to be done with herbs and rituals, and Molly lived.
Molly (right), our godsister Nelly, and a chicha jug
Remember, when it was time to fix the road, and Ed went out with the men from Cuper, and worked just as hard swinging a pick and hefting a shovel, fixing the road so you could get to and from Cusco?
It’s not building the road; everyone was too busy for pictures that day.
Your parents, Abby, they were different. They didn’t come here to study only what they wanted. They came here to live, like a family. They were willing to know it all, even the hard stuff.
Do you remember, in 1980, they brought back the Chujchus, the dancers that hadn’t been able to be fielded in so very very long, for the town’s patron saint festival? They took on the cargo; they bore the load.
Christine Robinson Franquemont, born 1948. Virgen de la Natividad, painted 1572. Hat belonging to Ed Franquemont, photographer, 1980.
Remember when it came time for the mojonamiento, the running of the boundaries? Nobody thought someone who wasn’t from Cuper Ayllu could run the whole way for Cuper, but your family did. Everyone knows you are Cuper people.
People from all over, feeding mourners
And over and over again, thank you, people said. Thank you for trusting us with Doña Cristina. Thank you for letting us hold her here in our hearts forever. Thank you for letting us honor her for all that she did; all the young ones now may not really remember, but when we were ready to throw away our legacy in favor of digital watches and someday a television, your mother said no, let us build a museum, for everyone in town, so you’ll know what is amazing; so you’ll know what it’s worth. It was worth a mother bringing her young family here from far far away in the United States, before it was too late and it was all gone. We just hope, so very very much, that what we can do to honor her here in some small way measures up to what a woman of her stature would surely receive from the thousands who must admire her in the US.
When I translated that last to our longtime friend and fellow ATA board member Betty Doerr, Betty cried. “I know,” I said. “I know.”
“Did you tell them,” she asked me, “did you tell them that in the US, a funeral lasts a few hours?”
“Yeah,” I said. “And nobody walks to it from a day’s walk away, do they?”
I kept translating for her. “You know what happened,” someone said, and not for the first time, “is that she was suffering. But then she came home, here, to Our Lord of Earthquakes, and he said, take a load off. Stay. You’ve done enough. Let me take your burdens.”
“I can’t disagree with that at all,” said Betty. Neither could I.
They came from Pitumarca, probably 200km away, by crowded minivan to bring their special chicha, which normally doesn’t get taken places
In the morning there were more people still; it had been hundreds and hundreds of people already. Still they came. Groups of weavers from other communities came, tearful and missing Chris. From far-off Pitumarca they even brought their special chicha, that they only make there, from barley instead of corn. I was drinking a glass — the first time I’d ever had it — when I looked up and from Ollantaytambo, there was Beverly, and Adela, and Wendy and Ishmael who years ago laid Wendy’s husband and Ishmael’s father to rest when he was probably the first of our crazy Cusco-area-dwelling gringo set to fall.
Inside again, my late friend Angelica’s parents were waiting. It had been many years since I’d seen either of them; Angelica’s tragic, untimely death from typhoid when she was only seventeen, well, it broke all of our hearts. “I thought you’d want to see this,” Angelica’s mother (also Cristina, just like my mother) said, pulling out a battered old photo. I cried, immediately. “It was 1986,” I said. “I remember that day. I was 14, and she was 15.” It was me and Angelica, dressed up for festival dancing. Angelica’s father Manuel, once upon a time the mayor, sat with red-rimmed eyes and we mourned together, again, like we’d done before.
Mote — mainly corn and fava beans
Mutton stew over rice. If you’re ever looking for comforting food for most of the world, try some sort of stew over rice.
The weavers’ delegation from the town of Patabamba began to carry out the flowers, to get ready for the procession.
Patabamba weavers carry flowers. These are all the flowers and bouquets and everything brought to the velorio, and they will be carried for the entire procession and stay at the cemetery with the deceased.
And that’s when the band struck up, the first notes of the dirge that walks you a funeral procession.
Funeral Band — a family band, more often than not
Oh, you know that tune. Well, maybe you don’t, actually. But I do. We all of us did. Every person there who ever laid anyone to rest with full indigenous Cusco-area honors knows that tune, and it breaks you down with its minor key brass and drums.
Young escort, Abby, Simeona
The priest came down from the church, and he read the 23rd psalm. There was a girl, maybe 8 or 9, who took my hand, and stood beside me; and at my other side, my godmother Simeona. And then the walking started: out the gates of Nilda’s courtyard, to the street and turning right.
Leaving the couryard
Procession. Can’t count how many times I looked up I saw Wendy sending me peace.
Up to the corner, all houses all the way now when so much of it used to be fields.
It used to be all fields.
It’s not all fields now.
Procession from near the front, approaching the corner
And left. Left, past what was Angelica’s family’s store, the procession swarming around a Coca-Cola delivery truck.
Because of her family I always wanted to someday have a store on the corner with a balcony above.
Past the medical post.
He was one guy, with a nurse, and limited supplies, and people came walking, carrying the sick on their backs from almost day’s walk radius — he served probably 25,000 far-flung rural people for whom a small cut could end up costing a limb, or diarrhea could end a life. He had this table, and a medicine cabinet.
Past where we caught the trucks for Cusco all those years ago. First the flowers and then us, me and my godmother and my godsister Nelly, and Nilda, and the white casket on the shoulders of strong young men.
Up to the next corner, walking my old route home, the band behind us, and then left, left towards where the trucks would arrive on market day, toward the albergue where my parents had once housed research volunteers in the early 1980s, towards the ruins. On the right, the same Inca walls; on the left, now houses and storefronts where it used to just drop down a level to some fields.
By the small chapel beside that albergue we stopped for a rest, and for words, spoken in Quechua by Don Tomas Huaman, one of my parents’ closest friends, the man long in charge of the ruins, a man who’d hauled me out of a thousand silly scrapes in those same ruins when I was little.
Abby, Tomas Huaman, and Ed, 2002, on Ed’s last trip to Chinchero.
Tomas’ voice was always booming, a natural orator’s gift. Here we all looked back out across the pampa, the soon-to-be-an-airport pampa. I was glad, suddenly, that my mother would never see that. I hated that I would. I thought about hundreds, maybe a thousand, people who I’d already seen, and how many of them had asked: if there remain any of the pictures you and your parents took all those years ago, if there remain those stories, please save them. Please save those stories and images and make them so we can show our grandchildren, who don’t know. Go another generation with your family joining us in reminding everyone that these things we take for granted are treasures.
Pampa de Chinchero, 1977.
This town is our home. It will always be. It will always own me. Small wonder, truly, that my mother should end up resting there.
1977, at the corner of our house on the plaza
Albergue Chinchero, 1980. Volunteers for my parents’ Earthwatch project stayed here when my parents rented it that year for that purpose. It featured the only indoor bathroom with sit-down toilet in town.
At the albergue, where now there is a checkpoint to go up to the archaeological site — which is to say, my old home and community — a right, and up the hill. And a left, and a right after my comadre’s house, and up past the old casa comunal, through the arches into the plaza.
Straight through vendors of tourist goods we went, diagonal across the plaza, past our family’s first home; past the wall that Molly fell off; up the steps to the main church yard; past the cross, and into the church.
Chris is, in this photo, exactly where Molly fell off the wall.
In this photo, exactly where she stood raising a glass to everyone in that 1977 group photo.
The steps are worn smooth, but you can still see the carvings in them from probably 500 years ago.
The young trumpet player is standing right where Chris stood with that 16th century icon in the 1980 photo.
The church’s construction began in in 1572, and was completed right around 1600. It’s a historical site, but also just the church in town. It’s not a big, fancy cathedral, really, but it’s pretty awe-inspiring, and most importantly, in my entire life, it’s the only church my agnostic mother ever attended with any regularity. Indeed, she was pretty well bound to it in 1980 when she and my father took on the cargo for that dance troop at the September 8th festival of the Virgin of the Nativity. So it felt right to see her casket carried inside and set before gold-covered altar, under the saints and angels painted four centuries ago. It felt right to hear all of this said in Quechua, Tomas’ words echoing from the stone floors to the frescoed ceilings, witnessed by the selfsame icons that bear mute testimony to every other Chincherina’s life events — the baptisms, the weddings, the burials, everything in between.
There is no photography allowed in the church, so naturally I have no idea how these photos turned up.
After these words, back out to the churchyard, and back down the steps, as the churchbells ring the funeral tones.
Fourth niche from the right, that’s where Molly fell. She was sitting above eating an illicit popsicle (we weren’t allowed to have ice because they wouldn’t have boiled the water for it), and she leaned too far out and fell. Everyone will always ask me if she still lives; everyone still worries about her, that the angry Inca spirits will someday claim her. Perhaps they have. This time when they asked I had to tell them we don’t know, that nobody does, se ha desaparecido, and that the police keep investigating, but it has been since March of 2013 and we fear greatly.
We lived under that belltower; there was hardly anyone closer. You could hear them all through town when I was little — and far away, far out into the ruins down that valley, across the pampa, up the mountainside behind the church and well into Ayllu Cuper. The funeral bells would ring, and people would pour out of houses to meet the procession if they didn’t already know. You would follow the sound of the funeral band, triangulate against the route to the graveyard, come forth to share the grieving.
In front of our first home we stopped, the band silent as Tomas removed his hat — well, everyone removed their hats, of course — and in Quechua, booming across the plaza that had been the old market square, Tomas spoke of when, in January of 1977, written down in the books and everything, the town elders voted to allow our family to rent the upstairs of this house that was the home of Mateo Pumaccahua, here in the heart of the town; here it was that Cristina and her husband Eduardo, became comuneros del Ayllu Cuper, and their daughters Abby and Molly, children of Cuper.
And later, Tomas continued, in 1980, Chinchero’s elders asked of Doña Cristina and her family to build of this house a museum, with Chinchero people, for Chinchero people, about Chinchero people; so Cristina and Eduardo went to the United States, and came back with volunteers, and built that museum.
This upstairs room had been the room we mostly lived in, in 1977, because it had windows. Transformed into a music room, in the museum it would play recorded traditional music at the touch of a button, had displays about instruments, photos of fiestas and dancers and celebrations. Standing here are, from right to left, Manuel Chavez Ballon, his wife Frida, and it looks like their son Sergio.
Chavez Ballon, and really his whole family, were pillars of Peruvian archaeology; the Machu Picchu site museum is named for him. My parents were friends going back to when they had lived in Cusco in 1968 and 69; when we arrived in 1976 our family visited theirs frequently, to both socialize and pore over pot sherds and the like.
Manuel Chavez Ballon y su esposa Frida inaugurando el museo en Chinchero
Museum crew, minus some volunteers who had already gone back to North America, plus Chavez Ballon family
Comprehending nothing of Tomas’ words, tourists watched, snapped pictures. In retrospect, I wonder if to them we seemed a strange and motley crowd, clearly assembled of people from many towns, and including a handful of gringos — or if they didn’t even have the eyes to see it. But at the time, I thought only, yes, it was always thus — my family here just living, and the passing-through gringos snapping pictures they’d take home and say “Oh, we saw this indigenous funeral!” while I’d think, like I always had growing up, but don’t you know, don’t you realize, this is real — it’s someone’s spouse, or parent, or sibling, or child. This is grief. This is saying goodbye. This is what Americans do in a formal, contained way, standing still, in special places dedicated to keeping death well out of our daily lives. It is only that here, we do it in our homes, and take it to the streets, and up to the church at the heart of town, then back through the streets to where we lived. We do it in the open air, in sunshine or in rain, for all to see, for all to come join, and we don’t care if you take pictures. This isn’t about you. This is about our family, our community, our strength to remember and keep going even when it is one of our best beloved in that casket.
Strong men lifted the casket from its stand again, while mourners threw flower petals.
Once, twice, three times, they surged forward with the casket toward the door of our old house, and then back: goodbye, goodbye, goodbye, Chris, say goodbye to this home where you raised your little girls and sat in the courtyard knitting and weaving and spinning, goodbye to this home where you cooked whatever food was to be had with a Primus for a stove all year, where we huddled for warmth in our sleeping bags on straw pallets on the coldest nights of the year, where in the corner of the patio we piled the vast heaps of potatoes from the shared labour of our family with our community, where you chronicled your time and your work with ballpoint pens in whatever notebooks could be bought. Goodbye; in the memory of Chinchero itself it matters as much that you lived here as that Mateo Pumaccahua did. Outside of here, who knows; but you are an elder of Chinchero, much loved, desperately missed.
Back down the hill we went, a growing throng, the bells tolling again as we left the plaza. Back past the “show me your tickets” checkpoint; back past the albergue, the little chapel, the view of the pampa soon to be forever changed. And here and there as we went new people would join, and we would stop and wait and someone would speak, or pray. Back around the corner, back to what used to be the main road where the trucks would come and go; past the medical post, past the new weaving center named for my late friend Angelica, and then on out the road.
From mud to… sidewalks
When I used to walk that road every day to school, it was dirt; in the rainy season, it would be mud where sometimes I’d sink in as deep as my knees. Barefoot in skirts made sense, considering that, or in rubber tire sandals so you could wash off easy in the streams or at the outdoor faucet in wealthy courtyards or municipal areas. But now this road is paved. The houses all have two storeys, and windows with glass, and there is electricity everywhere, and toilets. And down this road we carry one more of the last few people who’ll remember Chinchero without those things.
Such were the things people said when we stopped. I’d have said them too, if I could have spoken at all. My little girl escort, my godmother, and I, we clung together and alternately sniveled, sobbed, and simply walked. It was the middle of the day and the sun pounded me hard every time I took off my hat. My mother would have scolded me, reminded me how much I hated burning so bad I scabbed. My girlhood friends knew it too. “Stop taking your hat off,” they chided. “Tin-head.” Because my hair had been so pale, and my head so hard like metal when I was stubborn in school, and when we were all little girls my mother helped us all learn to read and practice our letters, so of course they were all here with me to bid her farewell. If they still lived, at any rate. And we all remembered this walk from even when we were small, when it was our classmates sometimes, from the sarampion or escarlatina or other things.
And then we were at the cemetery. We gathered once more around the casket on its stand, and raised the hinged part of the lid for last goodbyes — this time for real. This would be the last time I’d look upon my mother’s face. There was condensation forming on the underside of the glass, and gently the lid was raised and the condensation cleared. For the last time, the high altitude tropical sun touched my mother’s face, her hands with her spindle and alpaca fiber, her garb of Chinchero woman, those Danskos and knit skirt out of sight.
“Wait!” someone said, putting in a handful of camellias. Once the last goodbyes were all said, the casket reclosed, again the strong men — including Paulino, Nilda’s husband, who had been carrying her every time I looked, every step of the way — lifted the casket and this time, through the cemetery gates we went.
I admit I did not look at the cross closely this time, but from when I was little, I recall the base of it saying 1603. At the top, of course, it says INRI, as in short for what Pilate wrote. I always mean to take a survey in the United States to see how many crosses say INRI on them; in Peru it is basically “all of them,” but as noted, many of the crosses are rather old.
When I was little, there were still some dug graves in the ground; but now, the cemetery so much fuller, it is pretty much all mausoleums with niches. There had been discussion about the nicho, whose nicho it would be, what part of the cemetery, and finally it was concluded that nothing but family ties would be right. So, past the stone cross at the center of the cemetery, a bit to the left, and we were at the Callañaupa family mausoleum.
The flower bearers placed their flowers on bamboo racks and stakes as her casket was slid carefully into the nicho, its grate unlocked and metal gate opened wide. Tomas spoke more words of farewell, and then it was time for me to say … to say words. It is customary to talk, at this time, about all the rest of your family who’s here in this same graveyard, and so I did; I named so many, like Benita and her husband Julian, huasi masi, cancha masi (partners and sharers of house and courtyard), and I thought of so many more. I could smell eucalyptus on the breeze and in every direction, see the snowcapped peaks of my childhood, the mountain guardians of my mother, my family, my community — the things a Quechua girl learns to work for, in that order: mother when you’re small, family when you’re a bit bigger, community when you’re a near-adult, all of the above plus your own family and children when you’re a grown woman. Nothing stops an Andean woman; the Andes have her back and she belongs to them, and you’ll notice nothing’s ever really ground the Andes down flat.
My mother was seventeen when she first set foot in the Andes, and I think — I always thought — that they knew her. They knew who she really was. She might have been born on the plains of Illinois to parents whose lineage on both sides goes back to the start of the Massachusetts Bay Colony; but she was in a hurry to leave the plains, and she dreamed of adventure all her life. She may have been the youngest person in her class at Radcliffe by two years, but she spent half that time in the Andes and she hurried back there just as fast as she could. She may have married a Harvard guy and settled into a commune farm in then-rural Massachusetts to have her babies, but as I’ve come to really understand since reading old correspondence, she spent the bulk of those years too trying to get funding to return to the Cusco area to do specific textile study — and when she couldn’t get anyone to fund it, well, she just went anyway, and so did we all.
So in a way maybe it shouldn’t have been surprising that my mother managed to get back there just in time, hours before the apparent stroke that she did not survive — that she would not have survived in the United States, either. Maybe it really was Nuestro Señor de los Temblores, or the Virgen de la Natividad, or both of them, who chose to keep her when she came back into their demesne. But with bricks and mortar sealing her nicho she became forever one with the Apus who claimed her in her youth.
We went back out to the courtyard, with the band, and case upon case upon case of beer. For hours we drank to her, and then as shadows began to lengthen, still accompanied by the band, we wound our way back to Nilda’s house, where we ate and drank and remembered more, until the wee hours of the night when almost all had slipped away.
In the morning, on Sunday, masses were said for her in multiple cities and towns, and again each week for a month; and in December, another memorial (traditional after a month) was held in Cusco’s Iglesia de San Francisco. I couldn’t go; I was back in the US on the 27th, and pretty much straight to New Haven and starting to sort through all the rubble. But now that it’s been five months, and close family has all seen the pictures and heard the story from me firsthand, now I can share it publicly.
I can never express enough my gratitude to everyone all over the world who made this happen for my mother; there are so many of you who deserve thanks. First, my community of Chinchero, who keep tending to my mother’s grave even when I can’t be there; secondly, my family, friends, colleagues and students in the US who pulled together to get me to Peru and help with expenses; thirdly, the staff of the US Embassy American Citizen Services and the US Consulate, along with every single official everywhere in Cusco and Chinchero who amazingly, managed to handle all the logistics and paperwork in only 2.5 business days; thanks also to all the family, friends and colleagues in Peru who came from all over to remember Chris, and to the wonderful folks who took photos and videos for me so I could bring these memories back to those in the US who couldn’t be there.
The job was soul-sucking. In retrospect, I realized it was that way in part because they really did just want me to quit; no amount of determination or work on my part was going to change anything. But at the time, it seemed like the right thing: like what I had to do.
My office phone rang. That happened occasionally, but really, not that often; nobody actually cared what I was doing there in that cubicle on Page Mill Road. I’m not sure if I could have been more surprised when the person calling was Nilda. “Do you have plans for lunch?” she asked.
“What?” I replied. “No, why?”
“Because I’m at this conference on global philanthropy at the Stanford Alumni Center. Come meet me and the family for lunch.”
I checked the clock, not that it mattered — it isn’t every day someone who might as well be your sister, but who lives eight thousand miles away, happens to be a mile from where you’re sitting. I headed over there posthaste.
Even before I saw her and her husband, I saw two young Peruvian boys running and playing at the edge of the courtyard. Called by their father, they came over and nodded solemnly and returned to playing. The grownups talked.
“Your father,” Nilda asked me, “do you think it’s as bad as he does?”
I bit my lip, against the tears filling up my eyes. “Yes,” I said. “Maybe even worse. It could be… it could be days, only. It could be right now. He’s suffering, too.”
We neither of us wanted it to be true. We both knew I wouldn’t exaggerate or pull punches and that Nilda would never wish I could. We would just both wish the truth was something else.
“I still wish you would do textile work,” she said, changing the subject, if only slightly. “It would matter if you did.”
“I can’t see how,” I told her. “I’m trying to see how, and somehow… somehow, I’ll come up with something. But I can’t afford to do it and live here. I need to make a living, and where I live is here.”
We parted, too soon. I lingered longer than I should have, knowing I had to get to the parent conference at my son’s first grade. I thought about the places I’d been with Nilda, no more or less varied than those I’d been with my parents. I thought about us all, about all of it, about the smell of the highland plains in the Andes, the Stanford alumni looking to donate money to someone like Nilda for her projects, about being so poor we caught hepatitis trying to upgrade from just having a pot to piss in, about the vicious rumble of my Trans Am’s engine while I hauled ass down southbound 101 trying to make up a few minutes of time.
I crested the small rise next to Moffett Field in the far right lane and gunned it to pass a semi on the right. Yeah, I know, I thought. But whatever. I took a moment’s pleasure in the car’s response, and that’s when I saw what I hadn’t before: the CHP car one lane left of the semi. Well, fuck. I came off the throttle but it was too late, and no sooner had I passed the Mathilda exit than he was behind me, rollers lit up. I pulled to the side.
He walked up on the passenger side, and I rolled down that window. He looked at the booster seat in the passenger seat, the motorcycle helmet in the back seat, and I handed him license, registration, proof of insurance.
“So,” he said, “were you aware of how fast you were going?”
“Just keeping up with the flow of traffic, sir.” He gave me a look. I sighed. “I’ve got a parent conference at my son’s school,” I said, “in three minutes.” He looked over my documents, looked around the inside of the car.
“I’d expect better situational awareness from someone with a motorcycle license,” he said, blandly. “You should have seen me before you passed that semi.”
“Yeah,” I said, “you’re right, sir. I should have.”
He tore a page from his ticket book, handed it to me with my documents. “I’m writing you a fix-it,” he said. “I don’t think the tinting on this car is to spec.” It was, but I just wanted done with that, and really, he could have written me for the 82mph my needle had briefly touched. I took the ticket, thanked him, and was only 3 minutes late to the conference.
“He’s refusing to write his journal again,” the teacher said, “and then he had a tantrum about it, so I sent him to the principal’s office again.” I reiterated — we’d been around and around about this — that this was exactly what he wanted; in the principal’s office, he was supposed to just sit and read quietly, which was all he wanted to do, and so sending him to the principal’s office just reinforced that all he had to do to get out of writing the journal was have a tantrum. She shrugged. This, just like my job, was going nowhere. The first grader and I went home.
* * * *
The ringing phone woke me from a fitful Saturday morning sleep. The sky was just beginning to lighten, and the phone’s display said 203-something and ST RAPHAEL HOS.
It was my father. He spoke with difficulty, past pain, past morphine. “Well, Abbo,” he said. “I’m shutting down here. I was a farmer long… enough… to see lots… of animals get here. Stuff’s… shutting down. Not coming back. So you… gotta get everyone here.”
I squeezed my eyelids as tight as I could but it didn’t stop any leakage. “OK,” I said.
“Quickly,” he said. “I won’t… I won’t make it long. I can’t wait.” I told him I knew. “I won’t… I can’t… none of this… just keep him alive till someone gets here,” he went on. “Just bring… them all.”
I promised I would.
“Make sure… about Quilla… that she knows I’m dying. That they haven’t… been telling her I’ll… pull through. That she’s coming to… say goodbye.”
I promised that too.
He hung up, and I turned to my husband and we started setting it all in motion.
* * * *
“I have a huge favour to ask,” I told the mom behind the counter. Her whole family ran that bagel shop and I can’t begin to count how many mochas and lattes and bagel breakfasts and lunches I’d had there. We all laughed about how often I’d see my sister Molly, and my niece Quilla there, often. Pretty much every Sunday like today.
“Sure,” she said. “What is it?”
“If my sister comes in –” I gulped. “Well, she’s not answering her phone and either she’s not home or not answering the door. If she comes in, today, call me when she does and see if you can get her to wait a bit. We have to get to my father because he’s dying.” I handed her my card, with my cell number on the back. And true to her word, she called me and she stalled my sister there over her Sunday late morning bagel.
With everyone back at my house, the bereavement fares were being sought and it was too late to make it from California to Connecticut that day. And there was nothing on Sunday. Tuesday was the soonest. Tuesday, my mother’s birthday. My husband and son would stay behind; it would be me, my sister, my niece, on Tuesday into JFK.
I took seven-year-old Quilla aside. “Ed wants me to talk to you,” I told her. “We have to have a big girl talk about this trip to see him.”
“I like planes,” she said, “it’s fine.” My sister interjected: “Hurry up. We have to go. This is bullshit. I can’t just go on Tuesday. I can’t be ready then.” I didn’t say that I could never be ready to go to our father’s deathbed. I could never be ready to see him die. I could never be ready to face a world without him in it, but who the fuck cared if I could ever be ready? I kept holding Quilla’s hand.
“It’s not a regular trip,” I said, and took a deep breath. “I know,” she said. “Grampy’s in the hospital, so we have to visit him there.” Molly was gathering her things to leave. I was running out of time and maybe she didn’t want me to do this. But I’d promised.
“We’re going to say goodbye to him, Quilla,” I rushed it out. “This will be the last time we get to see him.”
“NO!” she screamed, and “Oh, fuck this,” her mother muttered, loudly, at the same time. I took a deep breath, and my son tried to take Quilla’s other hand. She wrenched both hands free from anybody’s grasp and glared at me. “He is going to be fine,” she said.
“No, Quilla,” I said. “No, I’m sorry, but he isn’t. He is dying. But we get to go say goodbye.”
“That’s it,” said my sister, and grabbed her daughter by the shoulder. “I’m all set with this. I’m out of here. Fuck this.” And they left.
“Well,” said my husband, “that went well.”
I just cried. My boy handed me a tissue.
* * * *
At least the flight was a nonstop. At least Molly and Quilla didn’t dodge me when we went to pick them up. Molly kept reassuring Quilla that Ed would be fine. I kept looking Molly square in the eye, and she’d look me back and keep saying it. She said it so much I wondered if she believed it too. I switched to an unoccupied seat a row or two forward, and kept crocheting. It was my handspun tussah silk and I finished the scarf. I gave it to the flight attendant who kept distracting Quilla, thanked her for her help. “Is your father really dying?” she asked me. “Yes,” I said. “I just hope we’re in time to say goodbye.” She brought me a whisky.
Walking out of the terminal I pondered just how much fun it was going to be to get this crew to Grand Central, onto the Metro North commuter train. I walked up to a guy standing by his limo, and quietly, while Molly and Quilla wrestled with heavier coats, I asked him if there was a price I could pay him to drive to New Haven.
“I could lose my medallion for that,” he said. “Nope.”
“It’s a matter of life and death,” I said, and gestured with my head at my sister and niece. “My dad’s in the hospital there, dying. Today’s our mother’s birthday.”
He looked at me in disbelief.
“Cash,” I said. “How’s $200?”
“And tolls,” he said. “There and back. And if we get stopped, we’re just friends out for a drive.”
“To the hospital door,” I said. He nodded. We got in. I sat in the front. We were just friends, out for a drive, after all. Friends listening to the muttering and wailing from the back seat.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to mutter and wail. It was that it wouldn’t matter if I did.
It was just about dark by the time we got there. There in the semicircle drive I surreptitiously handed the limo driver $260. I had another $24 left but whatever; there are ATMs in New Haven.
We left the suitcases in the hall outside his room in the oncology ICU. I scrubbed my hands to the elbow and then I hit the disinfectant gel dispenser by his door. He was there in the bed, asleep, breathing hard, oxygen mask on his face. Our mother was beside him in the recliner, sitting up. She stood. We hugged, and hugged hard.
“Some birthday, huh?” she said. Ed didn’t wake. He didn’t move. He just breathed hard, unsteady, gasping. One of the nurses had explained it on my previous visit, weeks earlier: with no red blood cells to speak of, there wasn’t much of anything to transport oxygen. What a fucking bitch of a disease; what a way to watch someone you love go down. No white blood cells, so immunities are gone; no platelets so if he gets a nick or a scrape he’ll bleed and bleed and bleed and never clot and all that precious, single-donor, carefully-sorted transfused blood product won’t be enough; and in the end, no red blood cells so you can’t even breathe.
“When’s the last time you left here?” I asked my mother. “When did you eat?” She was vague; said something about coffee and the morning, and a shower Monday. “Damon was trying to get me to go to dinner,” she said.
“Go,” I urged her. “Go. Have a birthday dinner, at least. Even Ed did that for his birthday. He had an ice cream sundae even. Go.”
She didn’t really want to. But she did. And then she came back. “Do you guys want to go to my house to sleep?” she asked. And amid argument I convinced her to go sleep in a bed, to let me take the watch sitting with her dying husband, my dying father, this dying man. Molly and Quilla would go with her, help her, keep her company. She could sleep in a bed, and not be alone.
That recliner… it was as good a place to sleep as any you could really ask for in a hospital room. Things went beep and whir and click and whoosh and thump. It smelled how only hospitals do. I watched him gasp for air and wondered how my mother had stood it since he called me Saturday. I wondered if I was that strong. I cried for my mom. I cried for my dad.
He woke once, or roused. Or something. He looked at me. He pulled off the oxygen mask.
“Abby,” he said. “Abby. What are you doing here?”
“You said it was time to come, Ed,” I told him. “We’re all here. Everyone’s here.”
“It’s 1969,” he said. “Why are you here?”
“Ah,” I replied. “Well. If I’m here, obviously it’s not 1969, eh?”
“Hrmmmm,” he said, “hrmmmmm.” If you knew him, you’d know exactly how he always said that. It was distinctive. And then he sat up, most of the way up, and subsided again as fast as he had. He looked at me, fully lucid. “I’m the dog catcher,” he said, “and I wouldn’t let a dog live like this.”
His eyes closed again, and he resumed that gasping breathing. I put the oxygen mask back on. Weakly, he swatted at it, then stilled. Gasp. Rasp. Whoosh. Click. Whoosh. Click. Whoosh. Click. Beep. Whir.
He never really spoke to me again. He might have spoken to his brother, the next night, Wednesday night, his final night. I don’t know. He did sort of speak, though, that Wednesday: he would pull off the mask, and he’d say, over and over, “Quickly.”
Sometime that night I think his brother and I realized what he meant: quickly. Let it be over quickly.
The arrangements were in place to move him to hospice in Branford, to the place right on Long Island Sound, about a 9 mile ambulance ride. Thursday morning was a blur of doing what had to be done; standing by my mother’s side while she signed papers, while she authorized things, while her drawn and exhausted face looked a million years old. She’d dyed out even the white streak that, once natural, she’d always kept; but it had been long enough sitting in the hospital that the white showed in her roots. There was a lot of it. She was thin; thinner than she’d been a month before, when we’d thought he would go for that stem cell transplant, and I had thought she was thin then, even for her.
She would ride with him in the ambulance. I would follow, driving Ed’s Volvo; his brother, my sister, her daughter, they’d ride with me. I went down to get the car, bring it around to meet everyone by the ambulance loading area. I wanted to make sure I had the right truck number, that sort of thing.
“One thing,” the ambulance driver told me. He was a young man, mid-twenties. He looked so much younger than me, but I was only 32. I was too young for this. He continued. “We’re not allowed to pronounce patients,” he said. “So… so, if he dies on the ride, I’m legally required to bring him back here to this hospital to be pronounced dead.”
“Oh God,” I said. He nodded. “We’ll go slow,” he told me, “to keep things smooth, but not too slow, because… we need to get there quickly.”
“Yes,” I said, “Quickly. He doesn’t want to die in this hospital.”
“If he goes on the way, what I’ll do is pull over to the side of the road, and everyone can say goodbye. But then we have to come back here. So stay right behind me.” I nodded, numbly.
My uncle Gerry was in the passenger seat beside me, silent as I was. My sister and niece sat in the back, sobbing. I never drove a longer 9 miles in my life. Every second of that drive I watched and waited for the ambulance to pull to the side; I envisioned saying a final farewell to my father on the shoulder of the interstate while relentless traffic whipped on by buffeting us all with its wind. Please no. Please not that.
I pulled into the hospice tight on the ambulance’s bumper. “Get out,” I told everyone. “I can’t park here.” I looked desperately for somewhere to park; there was nowhere close. It seemed like it was miles away across the parking lot. I whipped that car in there and jumped out and started running, running, and the ambulance doors were open and my mother was standing beside them looking at me.
I knew. I still ran. I knew, though. And when I got there, she looked at me, looked at Ed on the stretcher in the ambulance, at the young ambulance driver standing ready to pull the stretcher out.
“He stopped breathing,” she said.
I looked at my mother, there, in that moment, the moment when death did them part. There was nothing to say.
“Wait!” my sister shrieked. “He’s got a pulse! I can see it! Right there!” She pointed. It was true; in his temple, there was a vein pulsing. But he wasn’t breathing. His eyes were open, but he was gone. “Do something!” Molly sobbed.
“No,” my mother whispered.
“No,” I concurred. “Molly, we can’t. He has a DNR. He’s gone.”
“Just a second,” said the ambulance driver, clipboard in hand, and ran inside the hospice.
“How could you?” my sister raged. “How could you just let him die?” My mother and I looked at each other. Birds were singing. The air was warm. It was spring. I could see gulls. I could smell the ocean, faintly. The sun was shining. There was Ed, that pulse fading, in the warm spring air, outside. Not gasping desperately. Not pleading. And not there in his body.
The ambulance driver came back, with someone from the hospice. Seconds passed, and the pulsing vein went still. “Time of death, 2:11 pm,” someone said. “Admitted, 2:10 pm.” More hospice staff were gathering, taking everyone in hand. We all went inside.
But then… “Wait!” I ran after the ambulance driver. He turned.
“I just… I just want you to know when you go off shift tonight? When today’s over? That this was a win. Thank you.”
He looked back. “I know,” he said. “We lost my mom last month.”
* * * *
They laid him out in a viewing room at the hospice. He was in the street clothes he’d worn when we went in to get him that transfusion right before he was supposed to go to Seattle for the transplant. And after everyone said goodbye we were supposed to take the things to remember him, before he went to cremation.
I watched my mother take the wedding ring from his hand. “You made him this scarf,” she said. “You should take it.”
“Leave it with him,” I said. “It’s his.”
Resignedly, sadly, she looked at me. “He’s being cremated,” she reminded me. “It’s not like he can have grave goods.” It sounds wrong, perhaps, but it was the truth, and the truth of the two of them: ever the archaeologists and anthropologists.
“Whatever,” I said, putting my hand on his where they lay loosely crossed on his abdomen. “Whatever.”
I took the scarf. But then… then I put into his hand the small vending machine bag of Fritos I’d bought numbly a few moments prior.
“Goodbye, Ed,” I said. “I wish I had a beer to give you with these.”
My mother and I turned, and left the room: she, a widow, and me, half-orphaned. Outside the sun was shining and spring was springing. Gulls were flying. And the world without my father in it just kept right on turning. And so it has, every day since, for ten years now, and every year at this time, I relive that week. But this is the first time I’ve been able to write it down.
I bet you wondered, any time you read the birthday letters I wrote to Ed after he died, whether I’d write them to you, too, when you were gone. You never asked me, but I bet you wondered.
Well, so. There are ways that losing you is harder than losing Ed. My father may have been the cornerstone of my sense of who I was, he may have been larger than life, and he may have been the one I always asked for advice, but you know what? None of that could make him my mother.
You were the one I always wanted to make proud. You were the one who set the standard. You were the one with the image and the vision of what I could be, or should be. And I will probably never feel like I came close to measuring up. And yet now it all comes down to me to shoulder what I can of all your burdens and works.
I guess I have three songs.
You bought that piano in 1979 so I could take lessons. It cost the princely sum of $150 when the nearby high school was getting rid of it. I don’t even know how you got it to the house, though I would bet on your uncle Jimmy playing a role. I was in third grade and I hated to practice. I hated sounding like crap, when you would sit down and just play this. But as the years wore on I learned why practicing mattered and even if I never, despite years of lessons, practiced anything hard until I took up guitar, the sound of you playing this piece punctuated my life with you.
And for making me practice even though I probably never measured up, and for so many other things… I suppose that I judged you harshly.
And just in case nobody else you raised is thinking of playing you a song or two today, here’s one they should be singing to you… in a performance complete with incongruous set.
Thank you, Chris, for the way you never stopped trying. I miss you so very, very much.
I think I will have an ice cream sundae for dinner.
We passed a quiet day watching the rain and mud. I managed to get a couple of hours in practicing doing a Loraypu with both hands, that is picking up from either side towards the middle. When the sun finally began to shine, we sat out by the church and did textile things; some Huaman kids showed me how to do a new hakima “ocho-ocho” in the tanka ch’oro threading and Abby had her first lessons in weaving a cata.
I remember that as if it were yesterday; maybe better, in fact. My warp was yellow and black, the string tied heddles synthetic navy blue as were the selvedges and my weft. I also remember the days that followed and every mistake I made on that piece, that older girls picked out and had me do over. I was as determined to get that right as I was to be able to read without having to ask for help with words. I had two skirts to wear then, and the outside one was blue and shiny and I loved it. I remember the feel of that weaving in my clumsy hands and using a ballpoint pen for a shedsword. I remember how the blades of grass felt tickling my calves while I sat, and the change in temperature every time the sun went behind a cloud, and asking if soon I could have a needle for my hat since now I was a weaver. My nose was sunburnt and scabbed. My hair was tangled and so very very blonde. And my hands on this keyboard right now look so very unexpectedly old compared to the hands I remember having then. But they are the same.
I’ve been sorting through papers and putting old field notes into chronological order, when time permits. This morning, I found a single page in my mother’s handwriting, tucked into a book of field notes from 1977. I’m transcribing it here in full because I’m thinking a lot about my parents right now; in the next few days, I’ll weather both my mother’s birthday, and the tenth anniversary of my father’s death.
Here it is: a field note of my mother’s from 1977.
THE PASSAGE TO THE OTHER WORLD IN CHINCHERO
When a person dies, his soul begins to journey over a very difficult and rocky oad. After much difficulty, he arrives at the village of the spirits of dogs, which is on the edge of a wide and raging river. He cannot hope to cross the river without the help of his dog spirit helper, for whom he must search. His life in the Dog Town reflects his former life in that the dog spirits treat him as he treated dogs in his former existence.
On the 5th? 8th? day after he has died, his family try to do their share to help him across the “strait,” through the passage. They take his clothes and go to the nearest confluence of the river — in Chinchero, just at the bottom of the archaeological site — and wash his clothes. This helps to have the effect of allowing his anima and his espiritu to reunite, his espiritu being his essential being (which is in the Dog Town) and his anima being that which has flowed out from him in his existence on the earth — his acts — his karma, I suppose. This has a tendency to be left behind in his clothes, his house, and so on.
In fact, in Chinchero, it appears that when a head of family dies, the X is put over the door, but when a particular family branch that has been occupying a house dies out — 2 old people whose children haven’t been living with them, for instance — the house is abandoned rather than new people moving into it. It may even be dismantled to build a new house, but on DIFFERENT FOUNDATIONS. Once the old foundations and their former occupants have passed beyond living memory, however, it would seem that the foundations may be re-incorporated into a new house — after all, most of Chinchero is built on Inca foundations.
Anyhow — to the spirit still in Dog Town it would appear that his family spirits await him on the other side of the river where the road to “Paradise” is also easier — smooth, straight, inviting (I have not yet heard what the concept of “Paradise” consists of) — and finally, on this 5th or 8th day, whenever it is (this is long after the burial has taken place, which is relatively unimportant in all this, the important thing being the spirit passage — presumably spirits that don’t make it wander the earth, discontented, causing trouble, in half-human, half-animal forms (AUKIS?), scaring people to death, especially children. At twilight, the spirits out and abroad are only visible to dogs — who bark and howl, needless to say.
I think, perhaps, this whole process is shortened, less rigorous, for children — they pass more directly to the “other side” — the mourning is also shortened. It would seem that the Karmic principle operates in some form. Question: it seems that any spirit doing what it’s supposed to be doing stays in Paradise — any one that’s on earth is pestering people. Do the Quechua Indians ever see spirits as helping out on earth? Clearly they see reverberations for every act being done in the right or wrong way — these presumably bounce off the spirit world but don’t just have consequences for the afterlife but also more immediate: houses burning down, etc.
There’s a poignance in all this which I still can’t quite find the words to describe. I’ve joked often about being the child of anthropologists, and what that means for how I see the world in which I live. I’ve talked about growing up in “the field” and all kinds of cultural and identity dissonance as a simple fact of my life. But I don’t know what could exemplify the crux of it all quite like knowing you’ve laid your mother to rest in a once-foreign world that became her home and called her one of its own. For my mother, it was always more than study; it was always personal, always real. And even so, she (like my father) chronicled a great deal, and urged me to do the same all through my own life: not with abstracted, clinical eyes, but as a participant observer who can never be detached from life.
As I go through piles of old notebooks, as I handle my mother’s estate, I feel like I’m washing her clothes at a confluence of rivers. It just takes a long, long time.
It is with tremendous sorrow that I must formally announce the death of my mother, Dr. Christine Robinson Franquemont.
Having traveled to Cusco, Peru to attend the 2013 Tinkuy de Tejedores at the Center for Traditional Textiles of Cusco, Chris arrived Monday, November 11, and spent time visiting with close friends and family and preparing for her role in the Tinkuy event. On Tuesday morning, November 12, 2013, Chris was found dead of natural causes in her hotel.
Funeral and memorial plans are being made, but are not ready to be released at this time. I will tell everyone more as I am able.
You knew this was coming! This year, as last year, we’ll be doing goodie bags, and giving out door prizes at the Friday Fiber Bash and the Saturday Spin-In. And all the best such things come from Stringtopians, including those fine folks who wish they could join us in person, but can’t.
If you’d like to send us stuff for the goodie bags, we’ll need 80 (!!) goodies. We recommend making them be goodies that identify who you are, and they can (and even should) promote your fibery business somehow. Or just be neat stuff. You don’t HAVE to have a fibery business to send goodies. Or door prizes. You can just… want to. Last year lots of our door prizes were from folks who were just sad they couldn’t come and hang out.
If you’d like to send us stuff for door prizes, well, those can be almost anything imaginable. People love love love door prizes and they’re a great way to show off your stuff and make people ooh and ahh and want to find out more or buy their own. And the same goes for it not having to be associated with a business. Think of it as being part of the fun.
We will, of course, list you as a donor and thank you publicly, on programs and online.
If you’re in for either of these things, we would need to have them no later than April 20, unless you’re coming to the event and it’s a door prize, in which case you can shove them in our hands while we’re handing them out. But goodie bag goodies, definitely by April 20 or there’s no way we’ll be able to get them all handled.
Interested? Email us and we’ll tell you where to send them. Please send one email to both email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org. And of course, you can also post here to let everyone know you’re sending stuff.
Stringtopia 2012 Registration is HERE. Here’s what you need to know ahead of time. Read this whole thing BEFORE REGISTERING; you will need to in order to get the link to register.
Here’s how registration will work. This is everything we think you need to know; if anything isn’t covered, please send email to BOTH me (email@example.com) and Shelly (firstname.lastname@example.org), and one of us will get back to you ASAP. You are also welcome to chatter about it on Ravelry, Facebook, and Twitter! Your fellow Stringtopians can be a great source of information.
Registration this year uses a shopping cart approach. When you connect to the registration page, you’ll see three
categories of products: Classes, Meals, and Extras. When you click on Classes, you’ll see a calendar with links to specific classes, by day and time slot. Below the calendar, you can choose to view the listings by teacher, by day, or by class length. You can add classes to your cart from the main subcategory screen you’re in (whether it’s teacher,
day, or class length) or you can click on the image to read the full description and make up your mind.
You will be prompted to create an account when you place your class order. You can log in with your username and password from here on out to see the status of your order, etc.
ABOUT CLASS PRICES:
All class prices INCLUDE the materials fee for the specific class. Full day classes cost $125 plus the teacher-determined materials fee for the specific class. Half-day classes are $75 plus materials. In other words, the prices are the total, including the class fee AND the class-specific materials fee; what’s in your cart after you add it is all you’ll pay for that class. We wanted to make this as clear as possible because while materials fees are included in the price listed when you sign up, they are *not* included in the $125 (for full day) or $75 (for half day). Materials fees are determined by the teacher and cover the cost of getting you what you specifically need to do the class. Some classes recommend buying additional things as desired; that’s in the class description. Materials fees range from $0 (you’ll bring everything yourself, from a teacher-supplied list of things to bring) to $65 (for copious and costly materials such as hand-selected, hand-washed rare breed fleeces, book materials, and use of tools to process them).
IT IS UP TO YOU TO CONFIRM YOU DON’T HAVE TWO CLASSES IN THE SAME TIME SLOT.
We will check this on an ongoing basis and let you know if we find that this did happen, then deal with it on a case by case basis, but unfortunately there’s no way for the registration system to check that automagically. In other words, putting one Friday class in your cart doesn’t mean you can’t put another Friday class in your cart. Be on the lookout!
CLASSES ARE NOT CONFIRMED UNTIL YOU CHECK OUT.
You will need to complete the checkout process to have your classes. Until you have completed the checkout process (whether paying in full now, or opting to pay only your $50 non-refundable deposit now), your classes aren’t confirmed. When you have completed checkout, you will receive an email notifying you of what you signed up for. This email is your confirmation email, but NOT an invoice. Deposit and remaining balance invoices will be sent STARTING ON MONDAY, 20 FEBRUARY 2012.
EVENT REGISTRATION IS NOT CONFIRMED UNTIL WE HAVE YOUR DEPOSIT.
Your deposit is due within one week of your deposit invoice being sent, unless otherwise specifically arranged. If we don’t have your deposit in that span of time, we reserve the right to cancel your registration and let someone else have your class spots. We’d rather not and we doubt we’ll have to, but all the same, we’re saying that clearly up front so everyone knows what to expect.
We don’t need to know your specific meal choice now; you will tell us that when you check in at Stringtopia. However, we do want to know if you’re joining us for meals, so please add them to your cart if so. You can change your mind about meals right up until the day you arrive at Stringtopia. You are welcome to purchase extra meals for someone
Extras are tote bags, t-shirts, and admission to the Friday Fiber Bash. We think these are fairly self-explanatory, and they’re all described on the registration site. You may purchase as many of these as you like. You can also decide to purchase them later, right up until 7 April 2012. If you can’t decide, we will likely have some available for purchase at the event, but if you want a specific colour or size, we recommend buying them in advance. And…
That’s right, there are freebies. If you sign up for one full day of classes, you get a free tote. With two full days of classes, you get a free t-shirt. With three full days, you get free admission to the Friday Fiber Bash.
TO GET YOUR FREEBIES,
after you have completed your registration, please place a second order through the registration site, selecting the freebies you’ve qualified for and the options you want. Then, select “check/money order” at checkout, AND PAY NOTHING, and we’ll have a record of your freebies, which we will confirm with you.
You have the option to pay in full via PayPal, or using your credit card (processed via PayPal, but does not require a PayPal account). If you would prefer, you can instead choose to pay only a $50 non-refundable deposit at this time. Payment in full is due by 1 April 2012 unless otherwise agreed.
TO PAY IN FULL, choose “Check out using PayPal” and you’ll be prompted to either pay using your PayPal account, or else by using your credit card as a guest. You will receive an emailed receipt and confirmation.
TO PAY JUST A $50 DEPOSIT AT THIS TIME, choose “check/money order,” complete the checkout process, and stand by; we’ll send you a confirmation email, followed by an email containing a link you can use to pay only your $50 non-refundable deposit using PayPal or credit card, followed by an invoice for the full balance due. These invoices will go out starting on MONDAY, 20 FEBRUARY 2012. If you are going the deposit only route, please do NOT send any funds via any means until you have received an email with deposit payment instructions including a payment link. We mean this so much, we’ve tried to make it impossible for you to try to do so in the check/money order checkout process. 😉 Do not send a check or money order without prior agreement. YOUR CONFIRMATION EMAIL IS NOT YOUR DEPOSIT INVOICE. If you have received a confirmation, but not a deposit invoice, BY TUESDAY 21 FEB 2012, please email us so we can look into it.
Your $50 deposit is non-refundable. Cancellation for a refund of remaining fees paid is possible up until 1 April 2012 (which is when we have to pay for the venue, tickets, and various things like that). If you find out after that date that you are unable to attend, you can sell your spot to someone else, and we’ll help you with suggestions for how to do that. You do need to let us know if you sell your spot, however, so we know who to expect at the event.
We think when you get access to the registration site you’ll find it pretty straightforward; we just want you to have advance information so you can have your plan ready and hopefully get through registration fast and easy. But if you do have questions, email us (email@example.com, firstname.lastname@example.org) and we’ll get back to you as quickly as possible.
Go here: http://abbysyarns.com/store
and complete your registration. We’re looking forward to seeing you!
Shelly and I are just thrilled by all the excitement we’re hearing about Stringtopia 2012! We’re working on getting the registration forms ready to go and really starting to feel the spirit of things coming along.
So, let’s start by giving you the class descriptions. Let me just say that this class lineup knocks my socks off and I cannot believe how lucky we are to be able to bring all of this together for one event, and do it with a schedule that means you can take everything a single teacher offers, or mix and match to create your own weekend experience that features all three teachers, or even just take one single class. In fact, the only problem we outright failed to solve here is how to be in more than one place at a time, so that everyone could take all the classes and the instructors could take eaach other’s classes too. We’re open to ideas for solving that one in the future.
All Spindles, All Day
For all spinning skill levels including absolutely none. Even if you already spin, or spin with spindles, there’s something here for you. We’ll cover finger twisting, thigh spinning, stick spinning, multiple types of spindles, plying your yarn, how to finish your yarn and get it ready for use, and we’ll spend in-depth time on a variety of exercises
aimed at increasing your spindle skills. Spinning while walking, standing, sitting, talking, team spinning, spindle races, spinning blind, and a selection of tricks guaranteed to amaze your friends (well, maybe only if they spin) will be covered. Two basic spindles and fiber will be provided, but please bring any spindles you love and any spindles you hate. You will also receive personalized feedback on your specific spindle goals. Materials: $30 per person, includes 2 spindles, fiber
The Rut Buster
Are you stuck in a comfort zone you can’t escape? No matter what you do, do you just keep ending up spinning the same yarn over and over again? Is it you, or the equipment, or the fiber that makes that happen? What else is out there? Is it overload when you even try to think about what to try next? Are you stuck with stash you don’t dare spin because
you’re afraid you’ll ruin it because you’ll just do what you’ve always done? Did you hit a wall working towards a specific goal? Do you just want someone to make you try something new, that you never would have thought of, that you can’t make yourself try, that might push you to a new level you didn’t expect? Well, bring it to this class, and we’ll take that on in an exciting and diverse hands-on seminar. Materials: $10 covers what I’ll be giving you, and the rest, you’ll buy yourself from Morgaine, to speak to your specific rut.
Getting More Done With Spindles
For those who already spin with spindles a little or a lot, for wheel spinners who want to know how to make the spindle more productive, this class is just the ticket. Learn where your personal bottlenecks are, learn techniques to speed up various spindle tasks, learn to spin various kinds of yarn and different fibers. Students are encouraged to bring
spindles they love and spindles they hate. Two basic spindles and fiber will be supplied. Not for the absolute beginner. Materials: $25 includes 2 spindles, fiber
Truth Or Dare
And a few other arguably juvenile party games – except with spinning. Do you have a secret spinning shame, and you want to admit it and find a way past that? Or maybe a pet peeve that nobody understands, and you want to work through it? Are you afraid to try spinning something totally unlike your personality? What spinning thing wouldn’t you even try unless someone double-dog-dared you? I have a few ideas up my sleeve. This class grew out of informal things that happen before and after classes at retreats and festivals, combined with in-class exercises that people find themselves coming back to for years to come. For years, people have said “I wish there were a whole class in doing this variety of stuff,” and so now, there is. Materials: $10 covers what I’m bringing, and the rest you can buy from Morgaine.
Beth Smith has built a strong and loyal following who know her and her world-class fiber shop, The Spinning Loft in Howell, Michigan, as the go-to resource for specialty wools for handspinning. A passionate advocate for greater understanding of all the possibilities offered by many types of wool, Beth has spared no effort to study with master
spinners from all over the world. She brings together a deep and complex understanding of many spinning traditions with a clear sense of the contemporary spinner’s goals, questions, and options. Beth has taught at TNNA, New York State sheep and Wool Festival (Rhinebeck), Spin Off Autumn Retreat as well as the Michigan Fiber Festival.
In this class we will start with an overview of wool breeds and their classifications. We will learn how to wash wool to maintain the lock structure, wash lock by lock as well as washing in small batches. In addition we will have an opportunity to try a variety of processing tools. Each tool will be used to its best ability and on the appropriate fiber. Students can then take their new knowledge to experiment and find out their favorite processing methods. We will combine each processing method with different spinning techniques which will result in yarns for specific uses. We will discuss yarns desired for different knitting techniques such as stockinette, cables and lace as well as how to design a yarn for weaving. Several breeds from each class will be sampled including Fine Wools, Long Wools and Crossbred, Down and Down Types as well as the category fondly called Other in which certain breeds which are difficult to classify are kept. When studying Fine wools we will wash lock by lock as well as using tulle to keep the lock structure. Wool will be made ready for spinning using a flick carder and spinning it from the lock or from the fold. Long wools will be combed using hand combs and English combs. Use of a diz will be shown and wool top will be spun. We will also pull fiber from the comb without a diz as well as spin directly from the comb. Down breeds will be processed using several hand carding methods and a drum carder will be used for batt making. Traditional doffing methods will be used as well as using a diz to make roving. In the other category we will be processing using no tools. Icelandic fits in this category and students will separate coats by hand and spin them just as they are after separation. Jacob will also be processed by hand by pulling the locks apart until the wool is in a cloud style prep and then students will spin just from that cloud. This class takes the mystery out of the question “what wool when?”.
* Students should bring a spinning wheel in good working order or a spindle they are comfortable with for a variety of yarns. A flick, hand combs and hand cards will be used in class. Student should bring any tools they have. A few of each will be available to loan during the class.
Materials for your own breeds book will be provided for each wool we will spin in class. Materials Fee: $65 includes carefully selected specialty and rare fleeces, use of some loaner tools
Spinning for Lace
This class will get you spinning finer than you thought possible. You’ll learn the mechanics of spinning lace – wheel set up, type of draw, ratios and ply for the lace you want to make. We’ll also look at the wide range of fibers we can use for spinning laceweight yarns including mill preps and lace yarns from raw fleece, from the finest of fibers like cashmere to wools you never would have thought of for lace. You’ll learn how different fiber preps will give different results, and how to best utilize those hand combs and blend fibers on your handcards. This is a really fun class. Bring some of your smaller needles in case of a need for swatching!
*You should bring a spinning wheel in good working order, three bobbins, a lazy kate, and combs, cards and a flick if you have them. If you don’t have them a few will be available in class to borrow. Materials Fee: $30
Woolen? Worsted? Semi-woolen? What is it and how do you do it and what kind of yarn does it make? This class will answer all of your questions and teach you 5 different drafting method – short forward draw, short backward draw, supported long draw, and long draw. You’ll also learn which method of drafting will give you the type of yarn you want for your knitting or weaving project.
* Participants should bring with them: A Spinning Wheel in good working order and at least 3 bobbins as well as a lazy kate and niddy noddy. Also useful are hang tags, and a pen. Materials Fee: $15
For The Love Of Longwools
The Longwools category of wool sometimes gets a bad rap. Ask around to people if you happen to have some Masham or Lincoln or Wensleydale hanging around what it’s good for. Most people will say it’s too scratchy and is really only good for upholstery or carpets. Well, sure it is good for both of those things if you spin it for those purposes BUT there is so much more to this category. It makes wonderful lace that really shows off all of those important holes. It is great for outerwear because it pills so much less than other shorter stapled fibers. It is great for anything you want to wear well and have some luster and sometimes you can build in a beautiful halo. This class will focus on spinning wools with a 5”staple or longer to get the yarn you want. Yarns can range from drapy to wiry and everything in between. We will learn how to get this fiber to do the things you want. We could even get a lovely scarf for your sensitive neck if you choose and prepare your fleece right. We will use mill prepped fibers as well as raw fleece, compare, contrast, and talk about what benefit there is to processing your own longwool fleece. We will focus on processing and spinning techniques that will bring out the best in these wools.
* Participants should bring with them: _A Spinning Wheel in good working order, hand combs and a sample size niddy noddy. Also useful are hang tags, and a pen. Materials Fee: $15
Sara Lamb is a well-known fiber artist and teacher in weaving, dyeing, and spinning. She has written for Handwoven and Spin-Off magazines and contributed to the books All New Homespun Handknit, Colorworks, Handspun Treasures from Rare Wools, and Homespun Handknit. She lives in Grass Valley, California.
Weekend Theme: All Silk All The Time: Knitting, Weaving, Dyeing and Spinning.
Bring your yarn, handspun or otherwise, and we will plan and samplefor a project (or two! or three!). Instructor will bring samples, examples, clothing, yarns, instructions, books, all kinds of resources, and 20 years of opinions.
Friday all day: knit with silk (bring needles), and your own silk yarn, be it handspun or millspun. Saturday all day: weave with silk (bring a loom if you can, we will have a loom to set up and start a class sample. Everybody weaves!). You’ll want silk yarn for weaving it (20/2 is nice), and if you don’t have it, you can shop for it onsite. Sunday morning: dyes, dyeing and all about silk Bring your own silk to dye, or you can buy some from Morgaine. Sunday afternoon: spin that silk. Morgaine will have all manner of silks to try, or bring yours from home. Wheels or spindles.
Materials fees: only what you buy from Morgaine.
Let me continue by giving a few updates on where things stand right now. First, much to our surprise, excited folks anticipating registration have already booked up all the rooms available onsite at the Golden Lamb. We were stunned when we heard the news on Saturday night, a little more than 24 hours after we announced teachers and class schedules. I mean, we were pretty confident we’d put together a lineup where attendees can’t lose (and all the teachers are jealous they’re not in every class themselves), but we still didn’t figure the onsite rooms would all go before registration was even open. So with that in mind, let me fill you in on your other lodging options.
First of all, there is the Kirkwood Inn, about 5-6 minutes down the road by car. They’re giving us a fantastic Stringtopia rate of $69/night for a double, $64/night for a single. The Kirkwood Inn is a nice hybrid of “regular hotel” as far as room privacy and amenities, and “bed and breakfast” for setting and meals. These rooms come with a buffet-style breakfast (a really nice buffet) in a historic farmhouse. One of the things we really like about having both the Golden Lamb and the Kirkwood Inn for Stringtopia is that people can choose between being on site in the middle of all the action, or having a down-to-earth comfortable place to get away from it for the night. Family owned and operated, the Kirkwood is a longstanding local business just like the Lamb, only not quite as old. But then again, the Golden Lamb is Ohio’s oldest continuinally operating business, so… nothing is quite as old.
Apart from that, there are a few nice bed and breakfasts in Lebanon proper, walking distance from the Golden Lamb. The one Shelly and I have visited is called Hardy’s Properties, and basically, they’re a family-owned block of three beautiful historic homes a short walk from the Golden Lamb. These would be a great fit for a group of folks to get together and rent a house, with a kitchen in it and everything, for the event. This is a true B&B scenario, with the addition of having the potential to enjoy having a kitchen you can use as you see fit. Al and Phyllis, the owners, are lovely folks, and Shelly and I wanted to do the first Stringtopia there but there wasn’t quite enough space to make it work. So we keep telling ourselves, well, maybe next time what we’ll do is make those the teacher lodgings, and stuff like that.
There are a few others in town, with the Silver High Manor one being walking distance to the Lamb, and the Hatfield Inn being a short drive away and in a country setting with jacuzzi suites and that sort of thing. In fact there are tons of interesting bed and breakfasts within about 10-15 miles, that might be worth looking into if that’s the experience you’re after.
Here’s a map of hotels in Lebanon. One thing you’ll probably notice is there’s not a lot of chain hotel action going on here. If that’s something you’re after, I would recommend looking for hotels in nearby Mason; Kings Island is a single exit down the highway (or you can take back roads if you enjoy that), and two exits down, there’s just about every imaginable kind of big chain hotel experience you could desire. These options, naturally, will require driving.
After the Kirkwood, my next pick for a hotel would be the Shaker Inn. It’s about a mile away, and you could walk it if you’re the kind of person who likes walking a mile or so. The Shaker Inn is a classic motel with kitchenette suites, locally owned and operated for decades, and whenever someone I know comes to town and for some reason doesn’t want to stay at the Golden Lamb, that’s where I send them. The Shaker Inn is the kind of hidden gem I always look for when I’m arranging my own travel, because I generally find if there is a place like this, it’s going to be a much more pleasant stay than a chain hotel unless it’s a pretty expensive chain hotel.
If walking distance is super critical to you (say, because you intend to have a few beers and stumble back to your room), AND you’re super budget conscious, then I’d recommend checking out the Budget Inn. I’ve never stayed there, but the word is it’s clean, good service, and very affordable.
There’s also the Knights Inn over in the fast food section of town and across from the Ace Hardware. This is a pretty basic hotel and I don’t know a lot about it, but I can tell you they’ve renovated it within the past couple of years. If you want easy-on-and-off-the-highway, and to be able to walk to fast food, convenience stores, gas, a cheap movie theater, discount supermarket, used bookstore, hardware store, Tire Discounters, garden shop, National Guard Armory, and the DMV, this would be the place to pick. I would not call it fancy by any means, but it seems serviceable. I wouldn’t be stressed out if my mother wanted to stay there. Of course, every so often someone likes to remind me my mother spent decades being a field anthropologist in South America, so my perspective may be skewed.
Other than the Hardy’s Properties, Silver High, and the Budget Inn, all of which are an easy walk, the Shaker Inn and Knight’s Inn are walkable if you don’t mind walking about a mile. There are sidewalks and whatnot. Any other option, however, I would recommend having a car, or planning to share rides with a fellow Stringtopian who does.
I think that’s about it for updates right now! Stay tuned! Registration is coming soon, and tomorrow, we’ll fill you on on t-shirts, totes, and the non-class events going on at Stringtopia.