Dear My Book

Dear My Book,

Okay, listen. This is a difficult time in our relationship, and I know we’ve been spending a lot of time fighting with each other and it’s been stressful, but first of all, I want to be sure you know, I mean REALLY know, that I’m deeply committed to working this out. I believe in us for the long-term, larger picture. When I look deep in my heart, I see a future with us together, happily working towards the same goals, sharing the good and the bad. I truly believe in that. I’m not losing my faith in that just because we’re having a rough time right now.

But that said, I would really like to clear the air between us, and I don’t feel that’s been happening effectively just going about it the way that we have been. So I’m going to try writing my feelings down and handing them to you, and it would mean a lot to me if you could take the time to read them, without just reacting angrily or anything — just read them, and think about them, and then after a while I’d like it we could talk through them all rationally.

Sometimes it’s hard for me not to feel like I’m in this all alone, and like I’m the one doing the heavy lifting, while you just sit there, cold and impassive. I can’t tell what you’re feeling. That makes me feel like it’s all my faith carrying us, and I don’t even know if you believe in that long term goal. It’s hard, when I don’t even know if you really want to be in this with me or not. I wish I felt like I had a clear picture how this strife of the editing process made you feel.

Other times, I feel like there are too many people involved — why are you talking to our editor so much? What do you guys talk about? You guys go off in secret without me there, and then you come back, and you start spewing things at me — this has to change, I can’t live like this, who’s taking out the trash, if you ever really loved me you would have remembered to pick up bread on the way home. I know she’s influencing you and it makes me feel powerless. Some of the things you’re saying to me when we fight I know are straight from your heart, but others just ring like something she said that you’re repeating. I’m glad you have an advocate and a champion but I also fear she’s putting things in your head that you wouldn’t otherwise think.

Every time I think we’ve worked through a major issue, it seems like there are more waiting in the wings. You’re angry at me when I take a break to eat or see my family for a few minutes. I don’t understand what you have against my family. They love you. Why can’t you see that? It’s not reasonable for you to try to cut me off from them. I don’t think that’s acceptable for our relationship. I don’t like how you control my days so completely.

I understand we have real issues that need to be worked through, and that we have limited time in which to resolve our conflicts. But even in spite of my faith that this is going to work out and we are going to live happily ever after, there are times when I desperately just want to run away. I want to tell you I think we need some time apart, maybe even to see other projects. It’s not about you, it’s about me: I need to recharge my batteries. Focusing so closely on you can’t be healthy if it continues like this. I know you feel like I’m just ripping your guts out over and over and making us hash over the same old things again and again, but sometimes that is what it takes.

I’m sure that someday down the road we’ll look back at all this and smile, happy that we worked through it and stuck it out. I can see that being as soon as November. But right now, I just wish you could cut me some slack, and starting putting a little of your own energy into making this whole thing go. At the very least, please respect that this is hard for me, and maybe just fend for yourself a little bit so I can see my family, or maybe hang out with the blog now and then. They’re not a threat to you. This is a done deal and it is going to be okay. Someday, the clouds will part and we’ll laugh and smile again. I love you, even if it doesn’t feel like that right now.

Yours always,

Your Author

18 thoughts on “Dear My Book

  1. Oh dear, this sounds a sibling to my masters thesis. You have my sincere sympathy and I hope you manage to solve things with each other :-)

  2. And a grown-up version of my PhD? Na, that one’s just all my fault. *sobs helplessly*

    Hope you get to an agreement soon, you’ve picked my curiosity about the Book…

  3. I feel like this about everything I’ve ever written. You know it’s bad when your husband accuses you of having an affair with your main character. ;) Though in your case, I think we KNOW you’re seeing some fiber on the side, nudge nudge wink wink. :D

  4. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little fiber on the side, or beer, or food, or family time! You’ve got to remember that if you’re not happy, NO ONE’s happy!

    btw – I started spinning the Pink Lemonade batts this weekend and can’t. stop. Gorgeous. How I’ve missed your fiber!!!

  5. Abby…….

    why didn’t you have this conversation with the book last week?
    Maybe you could’ve come played at Beth’s on the weekend….. Just saying.

    Book……..

    Hey book, ya you, quit shitting on my girlfriend or I won’t be in the “acknowledgments”.
    Yes book you heard me right. Quit being a dumbass.

    love denny

    P.S. I think thats done it for you Abby. Books hate it when I’m not in the acknowledgments section.

    I do it for love.

  6. I just know you two will work this out. You are one of our all time favorite couples. Spin Control and I were really anticipating going on double dates and spending time with you guys. I know it will happen that all the problems are solved. If it gets worse then let me know, I’ll give you the names of a few good therapists.

  7. Dear Oh Dear! Deathless prose is such sweated labour. But don’t let it be the death of you. Don’t ask me how I know. You’re pouring out too much more than you are taking in. So each day, I give you permission to do a minimum of one thing that will restore the balance. Just keep on lovin’ that book to bits in spite of all its rascally ways.

  8. Oh, gad, this phase. Much empathy. Back off slowly, breathe a bit, spin a whiff of fiber (smelling salts for the likes of us). The book will be there when you are ready again. Deadline be d*mned.

  9. Dear Book, you’re being abusive. Stop it right now. Don’t make me call social services on you. We can get you counseling, but you have to be willing to work on this together!

  10. Dear Abby’s Book,

    Please chill out. Go pet some yarn or something. There’s a whole lot of people out there who want to get to know you and love you, but first you need to learn to treat Abby with respect and let go of some of this clingy bs.

  11. Dear book,
    You can’t come to *my* house until you learn to play nice with Abby. As a matter of fact, you’ll never be allowed to visit ANYbody unless you cut her some slack and work through your differences…
    You don’t want to live forever inside that computer, now do you?
    Thought not.
    Thanks.

  12. Abby, that was a brilliant letter!

    OK, walk away..now. Give the malcontent some time to think about your letter. You’ve made your statement, now it’s in Book’s hands. So now it the time to show Book that you mean what you say, damn it. Walk away. It is spring, family, beer, fresh air, outside, fun, laughter and beer. It is a make-over for the spirit. And Book will wonder what you are up to. A little insecurity is a good thing.

    Book, pull your head out of your ass. Take this time to shoulder some of the responsibility and just fu**ing cooperate! That’s not asking to much.

  13. What a jelous teenager! Just hang on, all teens grow up and leave and have lives of their own.
    Best,
    Faina

  14. I know EXACTLY how you feel. I am PRECISELY one month ahead of you on the very same road. Certain publishers *coughinterweavepresscough* have this thing about wanting actual writing and actual content in these books we’re making and it can be totally wrenching. Not to mention the feeling that you are missing some kind of party while you work all alone on your revisions and teaming throngs of people you have never met are doing stuff to your baby (changeling?) without you. Too Surreal. Know this: It’s gonna be okay. The teaming throngs really know what they’re doing, and you were right to trust them with your work. Also, you rock, because not only did meeting you inspire me to have another go at my spindle; I even bought a wheel (Lendrum DT)! Pretty impressive impact on someone who was trying *not* to spin.

    Your Sister in Fibery Frustration,
    Mary

  15. Hey Book!

    Go climb in a dark drawer and sit there and think about how you’ve been acting for the next day or two. Let Abby have some badly needed “me” time. I bet she’ll come back with renewed energy and both of you will have had time to cool off and be good friends again.

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