Packing again…

…unexpectedly this time, because there is a GENUINE SPINNING TEACHER EMERGENCY. And I’m totally the spinning teacher on call, so, you know. Gotta go.

But not before quickly taking a moment to blog that it just slays me that I get to say “There is an emergency that requires a spinning teacher.” I have images of, you know, carrying the spinning teacher pager or something. Having a red phone people call over spinning emergencies. Sitting in a spinning teacher command center that dispatches spinning teachers to handle emergencies.

Or the less glamorous vision: being a spinning substitute teacher. Then it’s like being called to sub for high school chemistry class or something. Nah, I much prefer the sort of Cuban Missile Crisis “Spindles of October” image with a spinning NORAD on the watch while people anxiously worry about whether or not this spinning emergency will come to a head or not. It makes what I do sound much more exciting.

So I figure I’ll leave you guys with this, and when I reach my destination tonight, check back and see who’s got the best story about what sort of emergency could require a spinning teacher to hit the road on the spot. Be inventive. Come up with good ones!

25 thoughts on “Packing again…

  1. BRRRRRRING! BRRRRING! BRRRRRRRRING!

    “Hello, Abby? Hi! I’m so glad we got hold of you on the red phone!! We have a crisis! The world is about to be plagued by insects because entire generations of spiders can’t spin.”

    “It seems something has interrupted the transmission of knowledge via instinct, and millions of spiders wander forlornly, or sit motionless, bereft of meaning. ”

    “The world lacks webs spun of pure silk, that catch the morning dew or the icy frost. No longer do we see things wreathed in shawls of shimmering jewels in the early mornings.”

    “Bugs go uncaptured, and uneaten, and they threaten the very existence of other life on earth!”

    “Abby, only you can save us from this spinning emergency! We need you to teach all the spiders how to spin again! How to create their spun silver webs, to trap the insects that, we predict, will overwhelm our planet within just a few short weeks. You are our only, hope, Abby!”

  2. Were you bitten by a radioactive spindle? Do you get to swing in on handspun to cries of, “Oh Abby, our second hand keeps jumping to the fiber, it must be the evil INCHWORM MAN and his short-draw powers!”

    Do you then heroically yell, “SPINNERLADY here to save the day… with my super BEER POWERED LONGDRAW!”

    A dramatically drawn “GLUG!” later and they’re all happily spinning away longdraw with a beer in hand?

    Inchworm man wrapped up in handspun with your foot on him, Captain Morgan style, a spindle hanging non-chalantly from your hand?

    Ooooor… maybe I just have an overactive imagination.

  3. I think you’re off to Siberia, to a remote village that has paid 3 generations ahead of income to get access to fiber optics. You’re there to mobilize the optic cable guys who, in true oligarchical fashion, have inadequate supplies. You must teach them to spin the remainder of the cable, or everyone into the Gulag.

  4. I’m picturing a Bat Signal in the shape of a spindle, summoning spinning teachers far and wide in the case of a spinning teacher emergency.

    Perhaps the need to spin something into gold to rescue a princess.

  5. (1) It’s shipment day and Beth just received a paco vicuna fleece, 12 cans of soy-wasabi almonds and three cases of Yuengling – otherwise known as Abby’s Spinning Emergency Trifecta.

    -or-

    (2) Marcy has a whorl stuck somewhere and requires emergency assistance.

    Wherever you are – have fun!

  6. The call comes in…bzzz…you want WHAT? WHERE? Isn’t it under a huge blanket of snow right now?

    Yes, just start out Northeast, we will provide you with all the tools you will need.

    So Abby takes off to the airport and takes a short flight what is supposed to be to Portland Maine, but the plane makes an emergency landing in Concord, NH.

    “Can’t make it any further, the snow is just too bad.”

    Abby fumes, “NOW what do I do?” Then she gets a text message on her cell phone.

    “Go to National, have truck ready.”

    “A truck?” she muses…but just as the message indicated, there is a 4 wheel drive truck waiting for her. She starts driving toward Portland. Spindles and luggage in the cab with her.

    The travel is difficult, but she makes it as far as Yarmouth Maine where she finds the roads blocked by the state police.

    At this point she is not sure if she wants to laugh or cry when she receives yet another mysterious text message.

    “Park truck at Old Fisherman Inn, go in get pint. Slava will meet. He will take you from here.”

    A pint sounds more than good, so she shoulders her luggage and wades through the snow to the Old Fisherman Inn. She sits down and orders a pint hoping that she could at least dry off a bit before going back out into the cold.

    “You Abby?” She hears a voice with a heavy Finnish accent ask. She turns in the direction of the voice to see a tall man holding a coat.

    “Yes, you must be Slava.”
    “Ah they told you, here change into this and then follow me.”
    “And my beer?”
    “Go ahead and finish it while you change into those.”

    Abby then realizes that he is holding out a pair of fur lined boots as well as a heavy woolen coat. Taking the items he takes her luggage and heads out the door.

    Inside the boots she found a pair of handknit socks that fit her perfectly. While sipping the ale she changes into these dry socks and warm boots, then pulls the woolen coat on over her own thin jacket.

    Finishing the ale she has found Slava returned and waiting.

    “Okay I’m ready,” she sighs.

    He leads her out of the door of the inn to a waiting team of Alaskan huskies. He tucks her in under some furs and then has the dogs start out. The countryside of Maine passed by her and soon she was pulling up in front of the Hilton in Freeport to be met by a smiling Amy King with a beer in her hand.

    “You made it.”
    “Indeed I have,” says Abby as she takes the beer from Amy.

  7. Mother hysterically calls 911. “My precious snowflake pricked her finger on a spindle and she won’t wake up!”

  8. In light of our current economic situation, the Obama’s are pushing congress to enact the “Spin For Your Future Act” They need the best teacher at this very moment, because times are dire, to come to the White House and immediately teach the President and Congress the latest in spinning techniques. All in hopes of getting America back to it’s roots, creating jobs, decreasing our dependency on unnatural fibers, using clean dependable renewable energy, balancing the budget, and providing a fiber safe future for our children.

    God Bless America

  9. I’m going for the ridiculous I suppose but I’m guessing that this is a totally normal sub type thing. You know where the scheduled teacher has a long lost lover show up out of the blue after 20 years and she’s totally free to go off and have a wonderful warm vacation in the Bahamas with this long lost lover except… that she has to teach a spinning class. What to do?!!!!

    Fake apendecitis of course!

    Call Abby and say ‘I’m off to the hospital for emergency appendectomy, please can’t you cover my class this weekend (’cause we all know that Abby is a good soul and could never leave would be spinners out in the cold), and I promise that all you’re beers at SOAR this year will be on me’. ‘Oh, and when I see you next week don’t be surprised if I have a tan – I’ve spending a lot of time under the UV lamp’. Ha Ha Ha…

    Have a great time, I look forward to hearing about it.

  10. They called you, cause I can’t drive. You got the gig girl, go put the red twirly light on top of the sexy car, and drive like mad girl. I just got back from my own spinning class, cover for me at the other class.
    Pack fiber too.

  11. A bunch of crazed Harry Potter fans have hijacked a shipment of Tabachek Russian plying spindles.

    Each woman (yes, they’re all female) has decided that the spindles are magic wands, and each woman has one in each hand, by the whorl end, pointing them at people. Menacingly.

    They could poke somebody’s eye out with those things unless sombody rappels out of a helicopter with a sackful of primo Russian cashmere to explain to them how those pointy sticks are actually meant to be used.

  12. Hello, Abby? We’ve got a spinning emergency here… Our spinning teacher has broken out with an early case of spring feaver and left us for Cabo… Can you come? We’re supposed to teach a lovely group of bikers spinning as part of their anger management course… They decided something with wheels was better than yoga.

  13. Here she comes to save the daaaaay!
    Abby F is on the way!

    P.S. Despite what Elizabeth said up there, I do not require emergency assistance with any stuck whorls. Kthnxbai.

  14. Instead of inventive I’ll tell you the image that popped into my head on reading your title (and tweets!)– a classroom of 20 7 year olds each sitting in front of saxony wheels instead of in baskinrobbins desks, staring at the chalkboard and waiting.

    Weird!

    Good luck!

  15. There are hidden cameras in every yarn shop across the globe, all connected to a central command. They wait for some unhappy knitter to say the magic words, “I just can’t find the perfect yarn for this project. *sigh* I wish there was a way to make my own yarn…”
    A that very moment the fiber evangelist beeper goes off, and the closest teacher is dispatched to the yarn shop with spindle, fiber, and samples in hand.

  16. Fiber has just been discovered on one of the Moons of Jupiter. NASA calls you in to consult on spinning in low gravity.

  17. **Klaxon going off** Uniformed soldiers look up at the floor to ceiling map of the world with light bulbs placed in strategic locations. One is flashing urgently in a remote location that only agents with top clearance may enter. One soldier dials on his phone. “Commander, we have a Level One Emergency! Section six niner two!”

    “Roger that. Who do we have on standby?”

    “Treadleflyer, Fleecemonger, and Spindleshanks.”

    “What about Mother-of-all?”

    “On leave recovering from wounds inflicted during a clash with renegade drive bands.”

    The commander turns to his assistant who has been getting the details of the emergency. “What’s being reported, Evans?”

    Evans, his face white with fear, is unable to speak. The commander looks at the screen and grimaces. “Great wheels! It’s worse than I thought.” He picks up a red phone. “Get me Whorllocks Alpha. On the double.”

    Seconds tick by. The soldiers’ faces are beaded with sweat. Evans swallows. At last a voice is heard on the receiver. “Whorllocks? Commander N___ of TEXCOM. We have a Level One Emergency that requires your assistance. Section six niner two is experiencing a meltdown that threatens to infect a large portion of the section. We will have details when you meet with your flight. Are you ready? Good. Be sure to update us when you arrive at the location.”

    Evans watches the face of the commander. “She doesn’t have much time.”

    “No,” says the commander, “but she’s the best we’ve got. If she can’t do it, no one can.” He wipes his brow. “Evans, this hasn’t happened since the outbreak of 1943. Heddlehammer was the one who handled that one. She taught everything she knew to Whorllocks. I can only hope that she can contain it.” He bows his head.

  18. It’s simple really. The Yarn Harlot has totally freaked and spun herself into a corner, madly dashing off the events onto the computer to report the story. Totally forgetting the class, the world, and the process has taken over. She even has a video of what started it all…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6ZjMWLqJvM

    This actually could be Abby or Stephanie…uh oh

  19. Is it a genuine emergency, or an emergency requiring the assistance of a genuine spinning teacher? This also makes me wonder what happens if someone calls in a non-genuine spinning teacher emergency. Maybe I just need to spend some time with the wheel, so these puzzling questions leave me alone.

  20. Abby – I just wanted to say thanks for the spinning lesson! I was in total awe of you, and afterwards, energized and eager to continue. Thanks for coming up (even if it wasn’t as exciting as some of the adventures above)!

  21. I have tears rolling down my face from laughter here! You are all wonderful writers!
    Love your blog Abby!

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