Quiet. Finally.

This moment, right now? It’s a momentous one indeed. I’m sitting at my desk in my office with a full cup of coffee, and it’s quiet. So quiet that I think if I just sit here and listen for a while, I’ll be able to hear myself think.

The holiday hubbub has ceased (though cleanup and so forth still remain). Much to his chagrin, today was not a snow day for the manchild, and school started up again on schedule; but snow is falling softly outside, meaning that even there it’s quiet. The simple quiet is a treasure which simply cannot be priced. No XM Kids, no video game noise, no TV, no mom music either, only the whir of hard drive. No crashing and thumping and rumpling and stomping. No questions. The cats — wisely — are even leaving me alone for a few minutes. The phone isn’t ringing.

I know this can’t last; it’ll be over any minute when something breaks the spell of silence. But the sheer relief of quiet for a few moments is unbelievable. It’s a downright physical relief, and when I go for a long long time without any silence, I forget that.

In December, I think I said “I think I’m turning into one of those people who doesn’t like the holidays at all,” and now it looks like i can confirm that. I feel guilty about that, but there it is. As my father would say, “Guilt is a useless emotion. It really serves no purpose to feel guilty. Instead of feeling guilty, people should just not do whatever it is they’re going to feel guilty about!” Here, of course, anybody who ever knew my father is simultaneously laughing and rolling their eyes; we all discussed this with him at length over the years, explaining that the problem with his admittedly impeccable logic is that sometimes, you just feel something. In this case of guilt I’d need to simply not feel dislike for the holidays, and that hurdle is one I’ve yet to leap. Partly, it’s that not liking the holidays is new. I never expected to find myself feeling thus, and so am ill-prepared.

The down side to quiet, and hearing myself think, is that then I am at risk of listening. While normally that’s absolutely fine, right now, it’s exhausting. Ah! But just like that, the moment is over. What’s left of the coffee has grown cold, the enormous cat has jumped into my lap and won’t let me type, the phone rang, and I’m back to the email backlog and getting the last ever batt club stuff ready to go out Friday and Monday. Well, peace was nice while it lasted! I think I’ll try it again soon.

7 thoughts on “Quiet. Finally.

  1. I know just how you feel! May I recommend a nice walk outside, in the snow, leave the cats inside, and just soak in the quiet a little longer? It’ll soothe your frazzled ends. :o)

  2. Abby, I so totally get this! Every year it seems that it takes longer and longer for me to get “the Christmas spirit”. This year I think I managed about 10 whole minutes of it on the 23rd and it was a weak, wimpy feeling for those 10 minutes. It didn’t help, I’m sure, that I was so busy that I didn’t even get to church on Christmas Eve – as a UU it’s all music and candles and a portion of the Christmas story. I usually go to the late service, by myself, so I can revel in the peace and sounds and light, and that will usually light the little candle in my heart. But this year, they did away with the 10 pm service and there was only the 4 pm and the 6 pm, which only served to further my ba-humbug-ness.

    Next year, I think I’m gonna find a beach someplace warm and take myself there. If they don’t annoy me too much, I might take the family too, but maybe not.

  3. I didn’t get into the Christmas Spirit until I gave up on the @@#$%*@!! potholders I was attempting to sew and told the husband that we were going to Target. At 10pm on Saturday night before Christmas. And then it was STILL a while, because I was grumpy until I actually got to the first family party on Sunday night. I had a lot of deadlines coming to a head that were just made worse by my making presents at the same time. I think a new year’s resolution for me will be to finish my christmas gifts by August. 🙂

    Missed you around here!

  4. Yay! Abby’s back!

    I’m totally with you. I hate Christmas. I find it far too stressful. In fact, I was planning on skipping Christmas this year, perhaps spending it on a sandy beach in Asia. Maybe next year!

  5. I’m in the Hate the Holidays Club. There is just way to much expected and demanded. Be happy, cook a feast, give all perfect presents, cards, phone calls, and the house is torn up more than anyother time. And who is responsible for all the organization, cleaning, preparing? The women. I would much rather have a quiet day by the fire reading, knitting, talking, eating and drinking the champaign. No TV, no video games and just a few presents.

    Didn’t get into the holiday spirit until dh insisted that we put the ornaments on the tree. I took my drink to the kitchen to cook dinner, and then I heard him play the cd Jingle Cats. I was laughing to hard to be hum-buggy.

    Silence, that is something to relish at all times. Enjoy it and be selfish with it Abby!

    Glad to see you back.

  6. ….so I was at a Christmas party and I went into the kitchen to refresh my drink and I found 2 of my pals there talking about the holiday season, “I want to skip Christmas”, “I want to stomp on it” Of coarse I said… You pin it to the ground, you (the other dude) can shoot it. I’ve got the bullet.
    Lets shoot Christmas.

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